Wednesday, 15 March 2017

I want to give to you

I want to give to you my pain

So you can feel the things I do
So you can feel the things YOU do
The shit things you do to me Bitch

I want you to dig deep inside me

See the agony you inflict on me
All the bile you spit and spray 
Eating away at my soul like acid

Just one day let you see with my eyes

So you can see how much I fear you
Stand in my place in front of you
Feel how you make me feel so small

See the world I do through my fears

Maybe then you will finally understand
Really understand what it is you do
Feel the sharp salty sting of my tears

Feel the way they course down my face

Leaving tracks filthy with your hate
As the pain overflows from my eyes
No matter how I try to stop them

I'd like to see through your eyes one day

Just to see the way you hate me so much
I'd turn my back on you that day too
And then you would discover how it hurts

I would raise my voice to you so loud

Let you feel that spite pouring from you
Look into those hate filled eyes as I screech
Feel your ears close up under the assault

Then you can feel my pain, feel my tears

Taste my tears and scream deep inside
The feeling of barbed wire as a tightrope
And all the colours of life taken from you

Discover my fears, caused by you

The glee in your eyes shining so bright
As you drive in yet another dagger
Twisting it deep as you thrust it in

Ripping into my poor battered heart yet again

Only then will you even begin to understand
Why I am the way I am, you made this, YOU
Didn't like what you had, so you changed it

Now you hate what I've become, what you made

Despising me so much every minute of every day
Hating that I bent to your will, did your bidding
Why you hate so much what you manufactured

You make no sense to anyone but yourself

I used to say I missed you when you were gone
I used to say don't leave me here alone again
But now, that's changed, your hate did that

I used to hide my pain and tears from you

But the day I died and saw your disgust
You looked at me across the ambulance
Like something smelly stuck to your shoe

You thought I was not awake or aware

Sad for you to understand, I was there
Inside of the collapsed weakened body
Seeing and hearing all around me

That look of disgust, the nasty Comments

I heard and saw it all as I lay there dying
How you must have been so disappointed
When I came back from the dead, alive again

That day changed my life for me, no longer meek

In the face of your disdain, I stand now taller
No longer afraid of what you can do to me
I lived without you before, and will do so again

I always thought it was weak of me to cry

But then I learnt that it saved my sanity
And that smile I know use for defence
Drives you mad with yet more hatred

I no longer care about your vicious ways

I know you think I now hate you, you're wrong
I never do, and never did hate you, you're wrong
You will never understand the how or why I care

The smallest of things matter so much

They are the things that make the day
So much difference to life comes from them
A smile, a touch, a hug, a word of care

The small things make all the difference

But you can't see for they are insignificant
To your great grandiose plan for yourself
No one and nothing allowed to obstruct

But now you need to finally understand

Your bullshit and twisted fucked up lies
No longer are believed by me or others
And so you will need a readjustment !

But that will not sit well with you will it

Coz of course you are so omnipotent
Deluded and out of touch with reality
Your "Alternative Facts" backing you up

Backing you into a corner in truth

And as your world grows ever smaller
With your "friends" leaving in droves
Will it dawn on you ? will you understand

Sadly I don't believe you will ever get it

But please feel free to tell me if any of it
Ever does get through, and maybe lead to
Regrets, far too late and useless as they may be

When you do realise that your lies and bile

Have torn apart what you had, so much better
Than you could have ever dreamt of as a child
Swinging on the gate in the ghetto with dreams

Floating around in your head of the White guy

From London coming to sweep you off your feet
Going to love you and treat you right, that needs
You to treat him right so he will stay sweeping

Instead the sweeping got done with a switch broom

Sweep it under the carpet so he doesn't see the crime
Sweep it around the corner so he can't find the crime
Sweeping out all the good and replacing it with hate

I hope you're happy now, for you have succeeded

No more love left here, beaten down and out
No matter how much effort went into salvaging
You put more into lies and destruction and hate

But now it's not just getting away from you 

Now it's so much more that you can't understand
Battered and bruised from all of your assaults
Guess what ? this heart still knows how to love

Yes, believe that, LOVE can still reside in here

And it doesn't just reside, it positively dances
Lives and breathes, Flourishes under a gentle
Nurturing touch, that's all it took to rekindle

So now you sit there in your house of cards

Riches piled high around you, or so you think
All the true treasures in your life leaking away
Leaving you to sit there on your platic throne

Sitting pompously astride your oh so high horse

Gazing down upon the peasants at your feet
Will it sink slowly in as you realise you're alone
Clutching your twisted hatred to your cold breast

I hope it does at last get through your arrogance

Reaching beneath your thick crocodile like skin
At long last you start to really feel emotions
And realise at long last that you did this, you

THEN  .  .  .  I WILL,  leave you  .  .  .  .  all alone

No comments:

Post a Comment