Tuesday, 28 June 2016

The Musings of a man growing old . . . Disgracefully

Down the years I have mused about my life, my friends, and other things in general, 
 What follows is that meandering musing, 
some of it real, some not, but all of it heartfelt

 this is set out in a kind of chronological order, or as close to it as doesn't matter

 Welcome to the musing of a man growing old as disgracefully as possible :-)

If you are of a nervous disposition (or  datposition) 
please be advised that some of the content on this page is of an adult nature


Art is ARt is ART,

And as such it will be confrontational to someone,

And will at some point in its existence,

Piss someone off every minute of the day

( CLiPiCs AKA Kriss Lee: 03-06-09)


The Art of Darkness, Pulling the legs off Ants, Helpless, I Loved You, Bookending,
First Kisses, A Friend in Need, Breathe, Broken, The Sneer in Your Eyes
She Watches Over Me, Retreat, One Day, Lying In Your Arms, Shattered, Cast Adrift
Words Upon a Screen, Torn to Shreds, Xmas Tears, To Sleep, The Smile on My Face
You say You're Fat. I Try To Be MeMy Son, We are Friends, It Ain't a Sin Heartstrings, Sweetlips, Cherished Freedom, Lose The Dress,You make me Cry, Right Now
North and South, Multitude, Falling Deeper, Smitten, Fling, Why,
I Know, Song in my head, Flustered, Under the Desert Stars, Couplets, Musings, Cold Snap, Hair, You remind me, Looking into your eyes, Oft I wondered, Shut Up, Balcony, Children, 
I Can’t Wait, The Helper, Looking, But that’s not it, I love you, Sagging, Ramnaugh, Motel 6,
I can still taste your mouth, Hello, Flower, Anchored, Impaled, Whispered I Love You’s, In you, Ribs, Pedestal, Coda, Distraction, Private space, Begin the dance, If you fell, Why am I sitting here, Parental Guidance / Fuck Me, First Date, Sneak, Darkness from night, Call me, You’re you, Groined, Smile, Classless as fuck, Inside I cry, Addendum, Standstill, The loser has to fall, River, Screen Kisses, Jelly, Unbidden, Mudlarks, They ! What f I came knocking, Vrooooom, Mutual Smiles, You say I am in your thoughts, It’s all about you, 
The Great War, “The war to end all wars”
Just another Father, Eyes, Sometimes, Excuse me sir, Epitaph, Wonderful night, Here, Scars,
Someone to love you, At peace, Shovel, Waves,  You are my “Someone Nice”, Weeping, Smile, Skype, Important, Homeward Journeys, Lilies and Landmines, Knickers, Eyes, Sometimes, Response, Decrees of Tears,

My inspiration for words comes from the awesome Leonard Cohen,
And in particular this piece,
A Thousand Kisses Deep, Leonard Cohen

Interview with CLiPiCs

The Art of Darkness

When you offer up your heart and soul
And pour yourself into a relationship
Only to have it spat back into your face
And your heart ripped out and trampled under foot
Right before your own eyes

And when you attempt any kind of damage limitation
To be laughed at almost hysterically
Leaving you to hide in a dark corner
With the tears streaming down your face
Feeling every raw nerve being scraped again and again

And yet you go on hoping for better
Optimistically hoping for sunrise
When in reality there is only the night and darkness
The darkness of her nasty mouth and wicked laugh

In it all there is one glimmer of light,
The children you made are beautiful and bright
And young as they are they can see the truth

As you retreat further you feel it stir
Deep inside it fights back
Your spirit, that wonderful human thing
It’s still there unbroken, just a little bent

So you escape into your art
And pour into it your heart
But art has a dark side too
And it can bite you opening up the wounds
Making you raw once again

Facing the darkness from within your light
And so yet again you retreat into the night

...............deeper and DEEPER into Darkness

Pulling the legs off ants

The trouble with small minded, self-centred bigots, is the inability to see the truth of the wider universe, the one that doesn’t revolve around their pathetic little selves

To be so afraid of the reality of the world that they have to hide behind the so called “power” of their bitter words and twisted minds

to live a life in constant fear of the unknown, fear of other cultures, sexual preferences, hell even poetry is scary for the small minded as they don’t understand it, so it must be feared and hated, just like the blacks are hated, the gays are hated, and the “towel heads” are hated, and anyone with a different point of view are hated

The inability to understand that others see the world in a much more beautiful light and can see the truth in other people’s feelings and views

The world is full of beautiful people, all willing to share and enjoy others views, cultures and generosity of soul

what terrible shallow lives to lead, that the beauty of other minds has to be shackled for them to enjoy their feeble little selves, how great a victory, to trap such beautiful souls merely to satisfy their own selfish needs, to feel pride in watching one more shining beacon of beauty extinguished, leaving the world darker, bringing it ever closer to their dark little twisted minds

It just reminds me of the nasty little spoilt child pulling the legs off an ant for the fun of it

For all the sweet souls trapped in a prison of hatred and fear
Written for a female friend who survived twenty five years of this kind of marriage


I sit and watch as the sadness seeps into the face before me

Watching with growing desperation as the face slowly crumples like tissue

Feel the aching in my heart as the eyes start to redden

Seeing the tears well up in the sockets until with a sob they overflow

Spilling out onto the cheeks leaving streaks in the dirt

As they course down the face of utter despair

Washing over the quivering lips from which escapes yet more sobbing

Falling like raindrops from the chin to splash upon the floor

My hearts aches and breaks

And I want to reach out and cuddle and comfort the tortured soul before me

Helplessly I find I can offer no solace

I turn my back with a heavy heart

And walk away from the mirror

Kriss Lee ( CLiPiCs ) 27/08/09

I Loved You

I loved you

You were sweet
You were fun
You were hot

You pulled the world from under my feet
You might as well have used a gun
On my life’s landscape you became a blot

I loved you

When I saw you my heart would race
You made me shiver and shake
You made dark skies brighten

Now I can’t look in your face
Now my heart is one big ache
Now you make my throat tighten

I loved you

I thought you were the best
The fun we had in our bed
I was so happy you were my wife

You ripped my heart from my chest
Now I just wish you outta my head
Just get the fuck outta my life

I loved you

Now I don’t even like you


I feel that I have bared the darker moments of my life of late, and it is time to redress the balance a little, I am in truth, like most, a complex creature capable of deep dark moments and thoughts, I am also, as some here will testify, a cheeky little sod !

But there is another side of me too, the side of me that sees beauty in many things, from my children, to a cloud in the sky

So as a kind of Bookend to I Loved You

Definitely a dark image for the emotions it has stirred not just in myself but in all the people who have read it, to Helpless the darkest moment of all, when you realise there is nothing to do except ride out the storm of your mind and emotions

the good thing that comes from these darker moments is the reawakening of the truths of how wonderful life can be, the emotions these moments bring to the fore are real, and the desire to share them is too,


Wrapped in your arms and listening to your breathing
Lying on your sweet breasts feeling them move under my head as you breathe
With my arm across your belly and my hand curled around your hip
I can feel your breath in my hair as you talk
I will wallow in the wonderful moment of being with you
Feeling each other just being there
Listening to your voice in your chest and in my ears

Running my hand gently across your stomach and tracing every sweet contour
Moving it lower and just brushing the edges of your hair
Sliding my hand gently into the sweet little crease between groin and thigh
And still the aroma of our lovemaking fills the air
Feeling the warmth of you on my fingers the tenderness of your touch
Kissing you gently where my head rests on your chest

Feeling your warm breasts give as my head turns to let me kiss your sweet soft skin

Your leg on mine touching all the way along our bodies
Oh dear god to feel you on every inch of me
To feel your warmth
Your love

Oh dear god to feel you on every inch of me
To feel your soft skin on my face
On my lips
On my tongue

Your warmth and tenderness and caring and sweetness
I want you now, to be safe where you belong in my arms,
In my bed curled up warm and comfortable

With my hands on you stroking and caressing your tired body
And relaxing you into peace and calm
Where you and I can love each other without hurry

Knowing that when we are done we can begin again
With our deep seated desire for each other

Just a touch here,
A caress there
A breathy kiss here
A whispered I love you against your skin
Even though tired, making love in such a gentle way with each other

Just to be joined
Just to be as one
Just to share each other

To surrender wholeheartedly to the joy of being in each other’s arms
To give it all up
No more walls
No more barriers to hide behind

To be completely free and open
To let you deep inside of me to where the real “I” is
To let you wrap the real “I” in your love and nurture it

To reach deep inside of you and feel your heart beating in my grasp
To hold your fragile heart in my hands and cradle it
With such tenderness and care like a new-born
To keep it safe from harm and let it grow again
To hold it tenderly and wash it clean with my tears of love and joy
Wash away all of the taints placed upon it before me

To mend the broken areas
To feel it beating stronger with every touch of my love
To feel it begin to warm in response to my touch
Feeling the warmth radiate from within
And bathe in the glorious waves of love pouring from it
To bask in the glow of you and your love

To let my tears flow because they don’t belong here anymore

Washing away all of the previous hurt we’ve had to endure

To lie washed up on the sunkissed shore of loves sweet paradise

Kriss Lee ( CLiPiCs ) 28/08/09 02:00 

First Kisses

Four passionate kisses . . .

The first kiss .

Would be right on the top of your head,
As you fall into my arms in an airport arrivals hall
Full of the tenderness and love I feel for you

The second kiss . . 

Would be the most passionate full on the lips exploration of your mouth and soul
“First kiss” you ever had in your whole life,
One that would stay with you till the day you die
As you feel all of my love pour into your soul

The third kiss . . .

Would be on the inside of my own fingertips,
Which I would then take and place against your heart
To feel it beating against my kiss

The fourth kiss . . . .

Would be against the inside of the hotel room door
My lips caressing yours with my body pressed against you
So you feel the kiss everywhere our bodies meet

Your heart and mine synchronize
Beating to the same rhythms
Sending our love coursing through our veins
As our souls mesh unfettered,
And our love is released
Unburdened by responsibility

Four passionate kisses . . . For the Romantics X X

A Friend in need

A friend in need
Is a friend indeed
Or so you plead
As my money you bleed

Friends like you
Are what make me blue
As you write another IOU
Not another penny for you

A friend in need
Is a friend indeed
Or so you plead
A friend like you I don’t need

In  Out
In    OUT
You suck the oxygen from my life
Dear god . . . control, don’t lash out
Your nasty tongue, whips across my soul again
Hate filled words, causing me pain
You attack me yet again, and I stand here bewildered
Why do you do this, what drives you to be so mean?
You ask, I do, not good enough for you
Breathe dammitt
Where is all the air, why are you so unfair
I turn my back, and walk away
Followed by yet more bile, more vitriol, so vile
Gently I close the door, and walk away once more
My stomach in a knot, and my heart in my boots
Down to the river, and stare into the water
Thoughts unbidden come to mind, who would care what they find
The river just goes on and ignores me, flowing gently past on its way to the sea
The ducks come to see, does he have bread for me ?
I stare unseeing at first, but their beauty starts to penetrate
Their trust in me not to harm, I raise my head and look about
IN out
I take in the view, and see the beauty all around
IN out
The sun is shining, and the birds sing
IN out
And once again my battered heart takes wing
In     .    .    .    . out . . . .


Raw and bare
To discover there is no care

You fall to the floor
Unable to take more

Betrayed and broken
The love was only token

And with a friend
It feels like the end

We all make mistakes
And our hearts break

But your friends feel your pain
And rally to make you well again

You are treasured for your soul
And we want you to be whole

Your friends are here for you
From a heart that is true

For a friend betrayed

The Sneer in Your Eyes

The sneer in your eyes
Exposing all the lies
Feeling you watching me and waiting to pounce
Looking at the empty bottle, wishing for an ounce
The twisted things you say
You think they'll make me stay
When all they do is drive me further away

You play the injured one
And I think of the things you've done
Many years ago, it should have ended
And like a fool, you I defended
All the rows and the anger
The violence and the danger
Who the fuck is you stranger?

But now, heaven knows
I stood and I took the blows
All the years of drunkenness and deception,
Not there for the birth, but oh yeah, for the conception
Where were you when the lights went out?
In a bar with my money, being the big gadabout
And the phone didn't work, all I could do was shout

I am done with your lies and your bullshit
No longer will I stand here and be hit
It’s over now, I'm done with you
Shaking you off, like a dose of the flu
It’s time for me to move on with my life
Time to stop being your chattel, your wife
And time to put an end to all the strife

Never was this about our family
Never did you even consider me
Told me the kids made you proud
And yet at them you rail so loud
You spend all your life in a violent rage
Keeping us trapped, with your words, in a verbal cage
But all you have done is to make me brave

Now this bird will fly free
Flying away as the real me
Leaving you to reflect
On your lack of respect
Go away with your tail between your legs
No longer will I listen to your begs
Leaving you with your life of dregs

Written for a female friend who survived twenty five years of this kind of marriage

She Watches Over Me


The lash of your tongue
Cuts into my soul
Deep, sharp and long
Leaving a gaping hole

I weep as I bleed
Watch my spirit leak
In your eyes your need
To make me weak

You think you can win
You think I am beat
Twisting the knife of sin
Your ire burns with fierce heat

You scream like a fishwife
Not caring who hears
You try to destroy my life
And laugh at my tears

My wounds will heal
No matter how you contrive
While your spirit congeals
I know I will survive

Through slittted eyes
I watch as you sneer
And you spit more lies
You can’t harm me in here

Here in the warm and the dark
You rave and you rant and howl
Here I kindle and tend to the spark
Fanning the flames of my soul

I lie curled in a foetal ball
Your wordstorm batters my ears
But you can’t touch me at all
Because in here I have no fears

Your words fall from you lips, dripping with bile
And spatter the floor at my side
Everything you scream, vicious and vile
But in here from you I can hide

I know you want to destroy me
I know I will fight back fiercely
I know you will be the one lonely
I know one day I will be free

You think you have won out
You think I am beat
But this is not a rout
Just a tactical retreat

One Day

I sit by the window

A wistful feeling

My battered heart

Still prepared to love

One day, I whisper

Love will come my way

I have the time

To sit and wait


I sit by the window

And patiently pray

For One Day


Lying here propped on one elbow
Looking down at your sleeping form
I watch your eyes moving beneath your eyelids
What do you see?

Do you see the emotion in my face as we kiss?
Do you see how my heart aches when I look at you?
Do you see the changes you have made to me?
Do you see how my smile reaches my eyes?

Pulling the covers down
I gaze upon your beauty
The swell of your breasts
The curve of your stomach

Entranced I watch as you breathe
The gentle rise and fall of your chest
Your hair splayed upon the pillow
Your lips curved in a small crinkle threatening a smile

Dare I now push my luck . . . and the covers?
Uncovering you completely
Looking in wonder at your shape
You give this awesome sight to me freely

And allow me the freedom to live
I watch as your stomach falls into the same rhythm as your chest
And with a start I realise
My own breathing has met the same rhythm

It occurs that our lives have intertwined so much
That we now breathe the same air
Not in a physical sense any more
But in an emotional sense

We share so much
Every little touch
Every little sight
Every little breath

I lean on my elbow and gaze at your beauty
I smile as I remember the last few hours
Just how you feel in my arms
The smell of your skin

Tired from our exertions you fell asleep in my arms
Open and giving you showed me your charms
My heart aches for you to wake
Lying here propped on one elbow

I lie and wait
Enjoying the sight of you
Waiting for you

In Your Arms

All of this pain will one day become a verbal landslide and I will cry
And when I am done I know I will be drained completely

So tired that I know I would fall asleep in your arms
But with a much lighter soul

Sleeping with a crinkle smile
Waiting for my body, soul and mind to recover

To wake up to a brand new day
And a spring in my step

The crinkle turned into a beaming smile
Leaving all the hurt behind

My heart soaring into the future
My chest no longer tight

Taking deep breaths of the oxygen starved from my life
Rejuvenated and alive again

The Smile on My Face

It started with such hope and tears of joy
Now it is my heart that weeps every day

Your smile twisted into a sneer and a snarl
The strident tones of anger that spill forth

The smile on my face is fixed to fool you
You can’t see the tears behind the facade

A molehill becomes another Everest to climb
And once again my heart sinks into my boots

Pulled this way and that by emotions
How can a heart so broken, be so full of love

The smile on my face is fixed to fool you
You can’t see the tears behind the facade

Hope does spring eternal in the human heart
But the miles from hurt to balm are many

My soul and spirit wonder at the task ahead
And look at what has gone before

The smile on my face is fixed to fool you
You can’t see the tears behind the facade

The pic fresh from the printer blurs into total incomprehension
As once again my eyes fill and then spill, leaving stains on the paper

The little lips pressed to my face with such unconditional love
Rip holes through my spirit and tear me apart with emotions

The smile on my face is fixed to fool you
You can’t see the tears behind the facade

To be surrounded by all this beauty
And to know that it came from spite

The sun is shining bright in a blue sky
But my blue heart is dark as night

The smile on my face is fixed to fool you
You can’t see the tears behind the facade

I have a box, a special box with a special key
It held my heart once before, and will do again

I keep the key safe, around my neck, on a chain, just long enough
To let it rest it’s warmth against the battered pump that is my heart

The smile on my face is fixed to fool you
You can’t see the tears behind the facade

The day will come when I can reach for the key again
But for now, I shall shut the box, and lock it safe from harm

With a sigh I turn the key, the box blurs as my eyes yet again fill
And then spill, leaving stains on the box, the key is slippery now

The smile on my face is fixed to fool you
You can’t see the tears behind the facade

With weariness I reach up over my head
And slip the chain into place, clasped at the back

I know not how long, it will stay there unused
But my heart knocks against my ribs, just to remind me

The smile on my face is fixed to fool you
You can’t see the tears behind the façade

You say You’re Fat

You say you have stretch marks
I say your kids are great

You say you have lines on your face
I say you have character and grace

You say your bum is too big
I say it fits in my hands

You say you need the gym to get into shape
I say your shape is just fine for me to love

You say you’re far too fat
I say it just means there are more of you to love

You say you’re old
I say you’re younger than me

You say you have wrinkles
I say I love the way your smile crinkles

You say you’re no longer attractive
I say let me judge that

You say everything’s heading south
I say I love the shape of your mouth

You list 50 things wrong with you
I list 50 that are right with you

You say how can you love me
I say because you are you

You say all of the above and more
I say just get yourself through that bedroom door

You say you’re skin is a mess
I say it doesn’t make me love you less

You say you want my opinion
I say this is the truth about you

You say your life is over and through
I say you are beautiful and I see the real you

You say you are insecure
I say I’m not so sure

You say do you still love me after all this time
I say nothing and wrap you gently in my arms

You say should I let my hair go grey
I say I love your look anyway

You say I’m feeling unhappy
I say you always make me smile

You say am I getting fat in the middle
I say you still fit into my embrace

You say that you are getting old
I say I can still see the inner gold

You say you think I need glasses
I say I don’t need glasses to see your beauty

You say you are no longer pretty
I say look in the mirror with me, see the woman without deformity


The pieces lie scattered and shattered across the floor before me
If this was a mirror, it would be seven years bad luck
I have endured so many more years that that

I held the whole in my hands and tenderly caressed the shape
Seeing the wonders again that I thought were lost to me
Feeling deep inside the warmth that it can bring

The touch and the feel against my skin and in my heart so dear
I swear there were times when I could feel it so near
I know there were times when I felt the touch

How did this come to be in my life right now, when I needed it most
Helping me in my hour of need, and laying the ghost
But it was a two way street and I gave what I took

I stare forlornly at the shattered pieces scattered across the floor
And wonder if I have the heart to go for more
Yet, I know the answer to that question

The strength I got from the closeness and tenderness and truth
Has bolstered me, for now, and I know, beyond
These pieces are not broken

Just like a jigsaw, the picture can be made complete once more
But where did I put the lid with the image on it
I shall just have to use my memories

And oh what memories they are, how close we became, and we went so far
The words and the caring for each other mean so much
And I know now that me, the darkness cannot reclaim

The pieces lie scattered and shattered across the floor before me
As I watch you take flight and into the sky you soar
The tears on my face run down and into my smile

I can taste the salt in them, but it is not bitter on my lips
And even though it means you are no longer mine
The words of the song are so true in every way

The pieces lie scattered and shattered across the floor before me
But my memory is good and I am a patient man
I open the drawer and reach for the glue

Cast Adrift

Cast adrift on the raging sea
No sail to catch the wind and push me
A broken rudder offers no guidance

The night comes down like a dark blanket
Smothering my senses and blotting out the stars
And with it comes the cold, for the heat has left the day

The waves crash over me and soak me with their salt
Sometimes, I can see their approach and prepare
But prepared or not I am still swamped and cold

And there are the sneaky ones that come from nowhere
Smacking me hard and thrusting me to the deck
Knocking the breath from my lungs and leaving me gasping

No matter how hard I try, no matter which way I look
The constant battering gives me no respite
Exhausting my fragile body and blinded senses

There is no land that I can see, so safe landfall
There is no welcoming beach with sweet soft sand
Out here I know not how long the night will last

Drowned by the waves, and battered by the winds
The roller coaster ride seems to have no let up for me
My ship is lost somewhere out there in the night

Alone in this dark and violent maelstrom
Tossed this way and that
I close my eyes, and the tears come

The salt tastes better than the bitter sea
But that is little comfort to me now
I rail at the violent sea and sky

My voice is lost upon the wind
Screamed from my mouth
Carried away to die unheard in the void

I hope and pray for this storm to end
For this madness to relent
I fear I may be hoping in vain

Words upon a screen

Just words upon a screen I know
Typed today and tomorrow gone

Watching as my emotions leaking from my soul
Will it ever stop, or will I breathe no more for it to end
The wounds are deeper than ever before, cutting through me
Twisting and thrusting to my very core

Just words upon a screen I know
Typed today and tomorrow gone

Fleeting moments in time grasped eagerly
Enjoyed too much, or maybe not enough
Could it be that was all we ever had
I believed in so much more

Just words upon a screen I know
Typed today and tomorrow gone

Then why this pain, this incredible hurt
Tearing at my chest and ripping out my heart
Once it swelled with uncontrolled joy
It now lies shrivelled in despair

Just words upon a screen I know
Typed today and tomorrow gone

The anger and the rage rise like bile in my throat
Something needs to be hit and right bloody now
But I know that is futile and wastes my fragile spirit
The spirit I will need to recover from this torment

Just words upon a screen I know
Typed today and tomorrow gone

I reach out to touch you as I did before
But you’re not there, as you weren’t then
My hand lies empty, as does my heart
Bereft of hope, shrivelling with every beat

Just words upon a screen I know
Typed today and tomorrow gone

Once the world was bright and full of wonder
Now the darkness just closes in surrounding me
Threatening to envelope me once more
I hate that place as much as this pain

Just words upon a screen I know
Typed today and tomorrow gone

Where do these tears come from, I have cried so many
The well should be empty by now
How can I go on producing yet even more ?
My soul is like a desert, arid and lifeless

Just words upon a screen I know
Typed today and tomorrow gone

Xmas Tears

Eyes sparkling with delight at the bright colours
Twinkling Christmas lights reflected in them
Beaming smiles looking up with joy
Faces poking out from scattered wrappings

Squeals of excitement as every new gift is revealed
Unabashed pleasure at what Santa has brought
The joys of being a child at Xmas
And all the magic it seems to be

Oh to be so innocent again
Never to have to hide the pain
If heartbreak was only physical
A band aid would help

Detached from such unbridled joys
Seeing it all and yet, not
Tears running down the inside
Unseen on this day, but they are there

Tears of loss of pain
For those not here
And yet the pain can be dispelled
A hug, and a kiss thank you from a child

A happy little face pressed against yours
Sweet innocent little kisses of gratitude
And everything else pales into insignificance
The moment passes and the colours brighten again

A child’s joy banishing the grey
So easily washing the pain away
Changing the reason for the tears
Thank (insert deity here) for the children

Torn to shreds

Right about now, that is how I feel
My world lies in tatters at my feet

To Sleep

To lay my head on the pillow in peace
To sleep with no fear of what the night may hold

To let my eyes close with no tears
Seeping through my lashes making my face cold

To sleep and know I will dream
And not wake screaming from the fears

To not have to fear stretching out across the bed
To be able to reach out and touch a soft and receptive soul

To sleep and feel the true rest
To wake and feel that I am blessed

To open my eyes and see others shining back at me
Full of love and warmth and care

To know when I wake the love in my heart
Will be reflected and be yours to share

To sleep, never to wake again
Would that free me from this pain?

Thoughts of suicide in my head
Would I really be better off dead?

Oh yes, my own pain would be at an end
But what of the agony for you my friend

How much sorrow would I sow?
I’d not be here to know

So to sleep I now go again
Knowing tomorrow brings yet more pain

But my heart is strong, I feel it beating in my chest
I’ll open my eyes once more, and try again to do my best

To sleep and wake refreshed
That’s what I will do

And dream of the day when this is over

     I try to be me

I try to be me, but it’s so hard right now
My soul is empty and my heart aches
Hiding behind my usual facade no longer works
It never does when frivolity is forced

Each smile, each joke, just accents the pain
The mess that I feel, the uselessness I fear
This feeling of despair and failure
Tears at every part of me

The loves that have departed from my heart
Then and now, rip into my very being
Making me question my every move
Making me wonder at life’s cruelties

Each time a little joy shines its light
I question, will it last, is it real
When will happiness once again I feel
Will I ever be free of this agony?

How long does this have to go on?
And how much more can one heart take
Each turn I consider leads to another dead end
Why has the sunshine departed from me?

Once, life was so full for me
Now, only fear and uncertainty
I sit in the dark and wonder why
Here it comes again, another time to cry

They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel
Why then, do I feel like I’m in a funnel?
My life spiralling down into nothing
What will I become, what will I leave behind?

All I have is my art and my words
Some legacy that, some gift for the world !
My inner strength ebbs away like the tide
The determination left like flotsam on the sand

My friends wonder where I went
On self-destruction I seem hell bent
And yet I force a smile, a funny gag
But deep inside I know I am the joke

My Son, we are Friends

Seventeen years you were in my head

And the same again and more in my life  

All those years of longing and wishing
All those years of nurture and care

For nought, without a thought
You stab me in the back

All the times I covered for you
All the times I took the blame

And now with a word or two
You plant me squarely in the frame

Protect yourself with silence and lies
And stand aside with a grin on your face

You watch as I crumble under your words
Every syllable a dagger through my heart

You continue on as though nothing has changed
As my heart disintegrates into dust

My only reason for all the pain I have endured
And you sit there, to my pain anew, inured

The pain I never ever thought I’d feel
You crushed me under your heel

As I sit here writing this with my face awash with tears
You lie in your bed not caring of the hurt you caused

I know that with a little time and reflection
You may understand the sadness in my eyes

And I know your soul is truly good
You will see and make amends

And I will take you in my arms
And say, “My son, we are friends”
It Ain’t a Sin

It ain't a sin to make a fire with a log 
nor to sit with a glass of wine upon a rug

to want you in my arms
to sit and gaze at your charms

It ain't a sin to drink in your every curve
to feel your beauty in my every nerve

your body caressed with my eyes
our wanting has no time for lies

to touch your skin with my fingers
to kiss you and let my lips linger

to want your hands upon my skin
to want and desire you pulling me right in

to watch as your nipples crinkle and stiffen
because I kiss and breathe gently on them

to watch as your face flushes with desire
and to know that the heat is not just from the fire

feeling the temperature as it starts to rise
and see the desire burning in your eyes

for the fire within rekindled X X X

Kriss Lee 20/10/2012


Dedicated to my homeland

when it's all over and done

take what's left and with care

cast it to the sea to carry me

let it drift with the wind outward

to look back at a homecoming view

with a happy heart it will come to rest 

settling gently in the place it all began

Kriss Lee 22/10/2012

Pic by the Awesome Chris George 

#LoveGuernsey.'The Golden Hour'.
Incredible light over St Peter Port this evening. Never ceases to amaze! 

For more 'Pic Of The Day' click here:


You said you wouldn't
I never thought we would
But that moment of hesitation
Wiped away by the gentle brush
Of lip on lip, mouth on mouth

Moving toward acceptance apace
The warmth of your sweet embrace
Our arms enfolding us both
As we abandoned all pretence
To give in to the inevitable

To feel you pressed against me
In response to my kisses
Watching your half closed eyes
As the emotions take us
Too long for either of us it's been

You called me sweetlips
Told me I kissed so tender
You brought that out in me
The passion tempered with care
That moment we both took the dare

Kriss Lee
Model  Ida Aasebøstøl 

Cherished Freedom

Allowed to let go, relax and just "Be" in the moment, no need to "Be" aware

Safe enough to fall asleep without bad dreams,

Wrapped in arms that cherish and hold, not restrain,

To wake up and hear another’s breath without fear

To allow a head to rest against your heart, no worries of it being crushed

Lose the Dress

There’s a gap in my arms where you belong
There’s a voice missing from my song

There is something about a dress
Me, you don't need to impress

You say you want to go on a date
For that I wouldn’t dare to be late

You say you are concerned about your weight
Nothing compared to the years I had to wait

All the years spent missing you
When I could have been kissing you

You make me Cry

You make me cry
I think of you and the tears threaten
To spill down my face and cascade to the floor

I see your face in my mind
And my chest heaves unable to absorb air
Shuddering with the effort just to breathe

I see your smile
The lovely little crinkle as it forms
And know that the world will be alight when it does

I see the way you walk
And my legs fold beneath me
No strength to hold me upright

I see the shape of you
Silhouetted in the doorway
I know every inch of your stunning beauty

I hear your voice
So soft and gentle in my ears
But through the tears I am unable to smile

I read the words
Imprinted on my brain
The tears, like rain, start to flow

I see your joy
The succour it provides, so small
And know I have no place in it

I see all this
And yet my love burns undimmed
Fly free my love and soar into the skies


Right Now

Right now you are making me want to grab you and smother you with kisses 

I will be soft and gentle and let you feel the tenderness within me

I will allow you to slow down and gather your thoughts and feelings

Of course I can't keep my hands out of this, and I stroke your hair
Feeling it glide through my fingers and watching it cascade onto your shoulders

Those shoulders with your hair on them are inviting my caress
This leads to me getting close to your face, and smelling your perfume
Your shampoo gazing into your eyes as the distance closes

North and South

You do know that I love the way you use your mouth
the sideways talk and the smile dancing across your face
I look at you and want to be in your embrace
and kiss your sweet soft lips North and South

A multitude of many armed metal monsters
Marching across many miles of moor and marshland

Falling Deeper

I can't get you outta my head
At night alone in my bed
I see you asleep and calm

Your tousled hair cascades across the pillow
Like waves upon a shore it moves with you
The perfume of our love lingers in the air

Your face now so peaceful
Just a short while ago
So animated with desire

We rode along the currents of our passion
Until we both are too spent for more
Sprawling across the bed in sated fatigue

Sheets crumpled and cast aside bedraggled
Clothes scattered in a trail from the front door
Where this moment started with a kiss hello

Then a deep and tender kiss of honest love
Leading to a handful of butt dragged
Up close and personal in a growing desire

Hands in hair and reaching inside clothes
Feeling the parts that are desperate for a touch
Your nipples stiffening with my touch and desire

Hardening in your greedy grasp
Hands down jeans and feeling heat
Lace knickers drawn to one side

And then down your legs, with the aroma of you
Filling my nose and driving me to dive right in
Tasting your desire on my tongue as you pull me in

Your wetness spreading on my face
Too late for niceties now I lay you down
There in the hall, there on the floor

Raising my head long enough to lose my shirt
And even more exciting long enough for you to grab
Pulling me back in to your open and willing embrace

Your hands in my hair, pulling me up to kiss my wet face
We stagger towards the bed losing the last of clothes along the way
I watch as your sweet butt moves in front of me
Enticing me to follow, increasing the heat I feel

Watching you as I harden like never before
Noting the delight in your eyes as you see
The power you hold over me with your beauty
Fills my chest to bursting point, so hard to breathe

My joy at being with you makes my eyes overflow
To have reached this point in life for us both
Was destined, of that I am so sure, so certain
You know it too I can see it in your eyes

As once more we fall into each other’s passion
Your warmth enveloping me with wet desire
Driving deep inside and feeling you close tight on me
Falling Deeper into your embrace

I know how sweet your kisses are
And give them all back to you
Watching the excitement in your eyes as I drive you to the brink
Feeling the tremors and quivering of your passions deep inside

Exploding on me as your eyes snap open wide to see my smile
You see my joy at your pleasure in my eyes
My heart aches with the beauty of this moment
As you reach up to kiss me with warm wet sweetlips

Everything I do, comes back to you . . .
I know how sweet your kisses are . . .
Falling Deeper . . .


Oh my days I am smitten
You fit me like a glove, or a mitten
You make me all soft and fluffy, like a kitten
Oh my days I am smitten


When you can still hear someone's voice when they're not there
That's not a fling

When their perfume lingers in your nostrils on a windy day
That’s not a fling

When you can still feel their hand in yours as you walk the street alone
That’s not a fling

When you can still taste their lips on yours after you brush your teeth
That’s not a fling

When just the thought of them makes your heart sing
That’s not a fling

When the hours spent apart seem like years
That’s not a fling

When the first thought in your head as you wake is them
That’s not a fling

When the last thought in your head as you drift off to sleep is them
That’s not a fling

When there is a trail of scattered clothes across the floor and loud screams coming from the Kitchen table amid a mess of uneaten and forgotten food with upended chairs littering the floor because of the need to get naked and down to the business of having rampant sex right bloody now

THAT'S a Fling


Unbidden the tears fall from my eyes
No rhyme no damn reason at all
What triggered this sudden despair?
I am not sad, I am not broken hearted
So why can I not control this flow

There are no dark thoughts in my head
Whirling through my brain
I do not miss the love of my life
For she is not gone
Why then do I feel this way and cry?

I Know
I know you will break my heart
I know you won't mean to hurt
I know it will wreck me for years to come
I know the pain will not recede
I know the walls will go up again
I know I will cry yet more tears
I know once more I will watch as love walks away from me and
I know that I will yet again learn to cope

A Song in my Head

All day rattling around in my brain
And rolling around in my mouth
Dancing across my lips

Feeling it shape itself on my tongue
The lingering taste of you
Awakening my senses with a bang

I am so glad I asked you
It has its own melody
And all day has been singing its song

It reminds me of West Side Story
And the song about meeting
So now I know your name


Flustered, a cross between Flattered and Lusted

I realise now you were just flattered
And Lust played its part on you too
It wasn't just my face your sweetlips touched
You reached deep inside and awoke my heart

For me I predicted how this would end
My heart battered again, yet this time prepared
There never was going to be room in your heart for me
So many doors locked tight, so many things in the way

I have no regrets and walk away upright and calm
No wailing and gnashing of teeth for me
Yes I hurt for I love you deeply
And no matter how brief the flight

I spread my wings and soared with joy
And you did too, I saw it in your eyes
But I saw the doubts there too flickering
Like someone hiding in the Shadows

And so it slowly fades into nothing
Leaving behind our original friendship
We will smile and hug when we meet
And no one will ever guess at the hurt

You never fell like me
You were just flattered
And lust played its part too
But like a candle it burned down

It’s easier this way, no huge row
No big showdown or recriminations
No long drawn out weeping and crying
Just let it drift gently away

I told you I would walk away
But you will always make me smile
When I see you my breath will still hitch
But I'll keep that inside, away from you

See you next week my friend (I love you)

Under the Desert Stars

The stars above us floating
Reminding us how small we are
Letting us know how big we are
You and I, the size of the planet

I'd love to see the light in your eyes
As our lips touch and the passion flows
I want to be the man who you trust enough to kiss
I want you to want me and not be scared of my touch

My hands caressing your neck
And following the curve of your shoulder
Running my hands through your hair
Feeling the silky strands on my fingers

Under the desert stars cuddling close and warm
On a blanket you and I to feel you this way
Circling your waist with my arms to draw into my embrace
Feeling your arms around me holding me tight with desire

To look into your eyes and see your want in them
And I want to stroke that gorgeous butt
Running my hands over the sweet curves
Making me want you more than I already do

I want to feel your breath on my skin
And smell the aroma of your hair
I want to make love with you
Under the desert stars

To lie on a blanket with you
Warm inside from sharing our desire
Safe in the knowledge that is real
No need for fear no need to run and hide

As the sun descends into night
The warmth of the day replaced
By the warmth of our love
Wrapped together under the desert stars


We Come To Love Not By Finding the Perfect Person,
But by learning To See an Imperfect Person Perfectly

Nobody looks good in the light of a Chandelier
But you break this rule my beautiful dear


Your body / face is the flame that sets my soul on fire

Day after Week, after Month, after Year

Is there Life Before Death ?

Veni, vidi, visa - I came, I saw, I shopped!

Cafe olé .... Spanish coffee

How can I tell you
How much I'll miss you

If you won't go away


If you were a sea I'd swim you,
If you were a bridge I'd cross you,
If you were a whistle I'd . . . never mind.

The old man's head raised in gentle supplication
Set to catch the dying embers of the day
The last light bathing his face with gold
Giving hope for tomorrows coming dawn

My hands caressing your neck
Not squeezing your throat
Running my fingers through your hair
Not grabbing it to pull you around

Cold Snap
Walking hand in hand that night
Never had it felt so right
Your fingers curled through mine
I thought we had crossed a line
Our breath a mist on the cold night air
Your lips brushing mine with a touch so fair
Stopped beneath a tree your arms enfolding me
The joy of your caress setting my heart free

Why do I feel empty and lost
We never started
We stumbled and stuttered
So why does it hurt
The anticipation, the excitement
Futile I know
But you cut right through me
Into my soul
Every day the expectation of your message
Not meant to be
Deflated and disappointed me
But you are more
Your life is meant to be safe
And oh so normal
I never meant to harm you
Nor would I
You are deep in my soul
And my heart
And there you will stay

You Remind Me

You remind me that there is a man in here
You are making me warm inside again
And driving out the bitter cold winds

The maelstroms of bile and hate
That have swept across my soul
Being driven aside and pushed away

Letting the light and warmth back in

Looking into your Eyes

To wake up looking into your eyes
The scent of us in the air
The warmth of us
No need for sheets
The feel of your skin on mine

I can feel you in my soul
Curled up safe in there
My emotion like blankets
Wrapped you like a babe in arms

To wake up and see your eyes
Looking back at me knowing
That the night before had been one of beautiful lovemaking

To make love with you is truly awesome
To know every beautiful inch of your body
To kiss every beautiful inch of your body

To watch your eyes widen with desire
To feel you accept me and draw me in
To share our desires and wants

To feel that tired that can only come from the letting go
To wallow in the beauty of us
To enjoy the depth of feeling we share

Oft I wondered

Oft wondered if you thought of me
The special bond we shared
The instant connection, so strong
The amazing chemistry

Your smile stayed with me through the years
The sparkle in your eyes when we kissed
The way your lips would curl into a grin
And then that sweet tinkling giggle in my ears

The tingle down my spine when you were near
The way you fit so perfectly in my arms
The charge in the air between us, sparking
And all the missing you down the years

Always hiding my desire, so sad but true
Not being able to say what I felt, you weren't mine to have
To step away and hold it all back
I had to watch someone else kiss you

And then from the blue, the years just fell away
You came to me once more, with that smile
From nought to rekindle in a moment, just a click
Special then, and special now, I hope you're back to stay

I know the miles between us are a bind
And I know that you are you, and I am me
Our lives so different now, so far apart
But seeing your smile again, I don't mind

The friendship we had
Always so good
The lifting of our hearts
Once again makes me glad

I'm just glad you're (virtually) here again
And sporadic though it may be
To chat and see your sweet face my love
I always did, and I always will X X

Shut Up

I despise you for this
Never in all of my life
Have I wished someone dead
Now you are taking the piss
You’ve never been a wife
You’ve just fucked with my  head

To make me sink so low
Drag me down to the gutter
Your level, not mine, you evil witch
Dirty lowdown blow by blow
Smiling like your mouth won't melt butter
I'm really fucking done with your evil you bitch

Your pretence to the world of being so sweet
How you care for your kids with a heart of gold
Your cutesy little, little giggle and smile
Your death right now would be a treat
Stuck deep in the ground and going cold
Over broken glass for that, I'd walk a mile

Newsflash, shock, horror, this isn't your year
All of your shit cast around is coming back
Hypocrite, when opposed, I hear you cry
I shall kick back and smile at your fear
You play the saint, but trust, your future now is black
All that’s left is to run and hide,
or better yet shut the fuck up and die


A big balcony with a sunset view,
Music drifting up from a bar somewhere below,
Wine and nibbles from room service,
Sprawled naked on a chaise longue,
As the sun finally disappears into the sea
So do me deep inside your sweet embracing warmth,
You sucking me deeper in
The look in your eyes one of pure wanton desire,
Your fingers digging into my skin as you pull me closer,
Our mouths meet and lips open
To allow the penetration of tongues matching the penetration below


Despite the pain they give
They are everything
You lose your own
And give everything
To make their future

It’s been so long
I can't remember when
To wake and feel your butt pressed to me
Soft against the hard morning gift

I reach out and touch
You don't pull away
Nor spit vile words
You pressed closer

I nuzzled into your neck
And reached down to caress
Your legs gently parted
The softness of you was in my hand

The hardness of me was pressing into you
I felt you open to accept me
And felt that sweetness of
Being enveloped by wet warmth

I looked into your eyes and you said . . .

can I hear that boy . . . . Does he have football today ?

I Can't Wait

I can't wait
To see you
I know you're sweet
I want to taste
To See
To Touch
To Savour
Every inch
Show me
Let me
Your beauty
The Helper

How I want to be there with you right now
Kissing your gorgeous face
Holding you in my arms watching you play
Watching the way your breasts move
In rhythm with your hand

Seeing your eyes glisten with the desire
Hearing your breath quicken
My hardness pressed against your side
You can feel the effect you are having on me
Leaking onto your skin
Your legs splayed wide allowing you to reach

And allowing me to watch I kiss you again
As your fingers slide inside once more
Your breathing increases as does mine
In synch we both approach your moment

Together locked in this dance of love
You stiffen and gasp a sharp intake of breath, the warning
You arch up off the bed and into my arms
I hold you tight in love's sweet embrace
Your eyes flicker open and shut

A moan escapes your mouth just as I kiss your lips
I inhale your moan and share your pleasure
At rest you open your eyes
As tears of pure emotion fall from mine
Landing on your face and running into your mouth
You taste my feelings for you


I keep looking at you
So sweet, so beautiful
So desirably delicious
So deliciously desirable
So Beautiful So sweet
I keep looking at you

But that's not it

I can still see the you,
From back then,
But I can also see now,
What I should have seen then
For it wasn't disguised very well,
It was always just beneath the surface,
Like a goldfish in a murky pool,
You catch a glimpse now and again 
Through the water,
But when the pool has been cleaned
I see you're not a goldfish,
You’re a piranha

I love you

I love how your lips move when you talk
I love how you move when you walk
I love how you care so much for me
I love how beautiful you are
I love how your eyes shine
I love how you turn me on
I love how you laugh
I love how you smile
I love you to bits
I love you too
I love you


My spirits were sagging,
Hiding behind the smile
You stopped the decline
With your wonderful soul
You raise me back up
Make me alive again
Restored my self-belief


This bear of a man with a chuckle like an earthquake was my Grandfather in law
He was a pleasure to be around, always a kind word, and a gentle smile for the kids
The world is a sadder place without him, but it’s a better place for him being in it

Motel 6

They both made mistakes
They both knew this
They both wanted each other
They both had to be careful

He was fed up being belittled
He found her so attractive
He saw so much love in her
He needed that love in his life

She had spent so long a drudge
She was flattered beyond belief
She felt so good from his attentions
She started to soar like a bird

They crossed the world for each other
They took that huge risk
They knew it would only be the once
They went Five star and sod the price

He could not believe his eyes
He felt that he was finally blessed
He felt her touch on his skin
He could feel her in his heart

She said, for them nothing but the best
She said no to Motel 6, The Hampton
She said they deserved for their tryst
She said let's get a Porsche

They spent the night in bliss
They enjoyed the drinks in the Jazz bar, and
They loved the swankery of the room
They knew it was just this once

He drank in her beauty with his eyes
He watched as she crossed the room
He held her in his arms so tight
He knew he'd never forget this night

She knew the finery she wore worked
She felt his eyes on her, and his arms
She had waited so long for this moment
She knew how fleeting this was

They made love with each other all night
They lay there sated and tired
They were so right together right now
They went their separate ways next morning

I can still taste your mouth

You opened the door and our eyes met
It had been so long since last we looked
But the time melted away as you came into my arms
Your hands on my back drawing me in to kiss

My hands in your hair feeling its silkiness
Your skin so soft beneath my fingertips
Pulling back to look into each other’s eyes
The sparkle of joy twinkling in both sets

This is right, this is where we belong
Sitting here calm and comfortable with you
Watching you move as you crossed the room
So sweet and lithe, I had almost forgotten your grace

Your backward glance and the grin on your face
You knew what I was thinking my breath Hitched
Is it just me or is getting warmer in here
How can just sitting chatting be so hot

It can't be so long ever again
I knew I missed you, but how much
Was such a surprise, the warmth of you
It killed me when I had to leave

I can still taste your mouth
I can still smell your perfume
I can still feel you in my arms
I can hardly wait for the next time


I say hello to you every day
But you no longer reply
That breaks my fragile heart
And I just sit and cry

I say hello to you every day

And talk about the fools we were
How sadly now it's gone away
The memories now all become a blur

I say hello to you every day
And talk about so many things
I tell you what I'm doing now
And open up with all my feelings

I say hello to you every day
With almost a nonchalance
But my breath hitches and stutters
As yet again there's no response

I say hello to you every day
With an aching deep in my heart
Knowing no answer will come
So long it's been this way, now we're apart

I say hello to you every day
But there’s no reply, all I hear is Myself
With these trembling old hands
I replace your Urn upon the shelf

You are like a fragile flower to me
I will never pluck you from the ground
Nor remove even one petal
I will always treat you with kindness and tender care
So that I can enjoy your beauty for years to come


Like a ship at sea,
Sheltering from a storm,
Hiding in the lee of the island of calm,
Anchored here awaiting
The furious tempest's abating


I want to impale you on my hardness
I want to cuddle you
I want to sit and chat with you
I want to share your day over a glass of wine
I want to be enveloped in you
I want to reach out and touch you gently
I want to share sweet moments with you
I want to hold you in my arms
I want to spend time with you
I want to walk along the seashore with you
I want to make sweet gentle love with you

Whispered I love you's

A gentle stroke of your neck,
A kiss on your head as I pass by
Reaching up your skirt
To stroke the sweet curve
Of your butt meeting your leg
Running my fingers
Up the inside
Of your gorgeous thighs
Resting my head on your breasts
Whispered I love you's
Against your heart
And revelling in your warmth
The thought of your tender touch
On my skin
Makes me want to drink you
Right in

In you

Smelling you
Touching you
Feeling you
Devouring you
Tasting you
Penetrating you
In you
With you


Just to hold you tight
To smell your hair
To feel your warmth
To feel your heartbeat
Against my ribs


You shall not be castigated for your association with me,
But held upon a pedestal to receive the adulations and
Adoration you so richly deserve

Be still, crazy drum solo of heartbeat


And I would venture gently through
The openness invitation enough
The acceptance of this moment
From us both, means so much

I drink in every nuance of your face
I am in awe of your desire for me
Dream of a gentle breath so light
Whispering down your neck tonight
Dream of a tender kiss upon skin

And then a gentle breath
Blowing softly across your Nipple
Watch as it crinkles at the touch
Of my breath and deep love

Feel it connecting to your heart
And soul, increasing the emotion
Feel as I move up toward your face
And gently upon your lips, mine I place

Honey I would be all up on you kissing
Every beautiful inch of your sweet body
And stroking you gently feeling
Your soft skin under my fingertips

Tracing every contour of you
Exploring all the hills and valleys
Tenderly making you come alive in my hands and
Driving you to distraction
With every caress of my desire for you

Private Space

Your hair cascading down over my face,
Creating our very own private space,
Surrounded by you,
All I can see is that beautiful face
Above me, filling my vision
I feel you shift
And your breasts come into focus,
The sweet weight of them resting
On, my face, accepting them
Their feel, as they move slowly
Further up, until my mouth
Can taste and savour them,
The stiffness of your nipples
Between my teeth,
The pressure from them
As you succumb to the pleasure
My tongue applies to you,

Again I feel you shift
The warmth coming from you,
No! The HEAT coming from you
Moves slowly up my belly,
As your breasts depart my mouth,
I watch them gently swaying
As you move further up,
The heat is sliding over my chest,
My own nipples like bullets,
My anticipation skyrockets,
So hot, right now, on me,
And then your sweet aroma
Enters my nose, you drive me wild
And then . . . . .  almost there you pause . . . .

I am filled with nothing but you,
Your most intimate secret
Is my entire world,
Nothing else matters, nor moves,
Time stands still, Silence reigns,
Even my breathing has stopped
As yours has too, Poised on the brink,
This is the moment, do or die
The connection will be complete,
This one act of desire, of tenderness
Between one spirit,
Residing within two bodies
Is encompassed in this one moment,
The most gentle and accepting
Act of passion and love . - - - - - - - - - -  T.B.C

Begin the Dance

Stroking your hair in your sleep,
Watching you at rest,
Peaceful easy breaths,
The rise and fall of your chest
Catches my eye and I notice
We have fallen into a matching rhythm
Breathing together almost as one

Remembering your tender kisses
And the way you touched me
Smelling the lovely of you
As I lay here with you in my arms
Feeling the warmth of your skin
On mine the soft silkiness of you
Making me want you again
Wanting to feel you enfolding me
In your beautiful warm embrace

The memory stirs me again
But you look so serene
I can't disturb you now nor soon
I return to watching you at rest
And fold myself back into the spoon

Patiently I lie here now so calm, at peace
Sleep on my beautiful Woman
I will be here when you wake
I will be waiting to feel you stir
To begin the dance again

If you fell

If you fell I would take your hand, and kiss away the tears
Hold you in my arms so tenderly and rid you of the fears
Pick you up and help you back on your feet
Hold you tight till you were good again my sweet

Why am I sitting here?

Nervous as a kitten
My heart in my throat
I keep checking for replies
Expectantly waiting
Wanting to see your words
Wanting to see your face
To chat and laugh again
So much fun and games
The range and depth
Appealing to my soul
Why am I sitting here?
Because I want you

Parental Guidance

Fuck Me

I want you to scream "Fuck me" and mean it,
I want you to shake and shudder as I make love WITH you
I want you to beg me to never stop
I want to watch as your eyes widen as you come and then
Screw shut with the explosion deep inside you
And then I will come

Pushing so deep and hard into your soaking wet pussy
Filling you up with all that hot cum
My cock twitching and throbbing as I pump you full of my desire
My balls slammed tight against your butt

And then to just stay there
Our very own personal cocktail
Slowly slipping out and over my balls

The sweet smell of our loving in the air
Arms embracing legs tangled eyes locked emotions meshed
That's how I want you

First date.                                           

Call and Response piece,
The first line is the prospective date the second is the dater’s response

The first date is coming and what should I wear?            
That day is coming and what should I wear

Should I leave it curly or straighten my hair?                   
Should I tie it back or leave it loose or dye my hair ?

What about footwear, I know you wear crocs,                 
I wonder about heels, hers not mine, should I wear silver crocs

Should I bowl up in mine with a pair of red socks?          
What if she turns up in 18 lace hole Docs ?

I'll make sure my hands are soft to the touch,                 
Will her skin be warm and soft when I reach out and touch

My makeup, how much is too little, how little too much?  
Moisturiser, and wrinkle cream, Bloody hell to do so much

What should I say after "Hello, how are you?"                 
How do I respond when she says Hello how are you

Where shall we go? What shall we do?                           
Which answer, what now, kiss, smile what do I do

First impressions are important or so they say,               
First impressions matter, wear pink ? Will she think I'm gay

But we've been close for ages, since the very first day.   
Nah my beautiful babe knows me better than that I'd say

When you look in my eyes I hope you like what you see.....      
When I look in her eyes I just know I will like what I see

I know what I'll do......                                  
I hope she doesn't act or try too hard

I'll just be me!!                                              
I hope she's just her, then I can be me X X


Sneak up on you from behind
Cup your boobs in my hands
Your butt pushed back on me
My breath on your neck
As I bend down to plant a kiss
On the back of your ear
To hold you so tight and dear
No need for sex in this moment
But a need for each other
And the contact cementing that need
The emotional bond so strong

Darkness from night

Just a few words
My whole day
Becomes much brighter
My mood sails into the sky,
My heart swells
I know my life has got better
You came to me so right
Took the darkness from the night
Put a smile on my face

Call Me

We spoke all night
The sun rose on us
Subjects ranged
So far and wide
And stayed so
So close to home
We told our fears
Our future hopes
And our dreams
It seems to us
They are the same
The words flowed
And never ran out
And still in the end
We had yet more
More to say and do
We spoke all night
The sun rose on us

You’re You

You’re you
That’s all you do
All you
Need to do
No longer blue
I've got you
Who woulda knew
Words, just a few
All you need to do
And my heart flew
My old life Adieu
Another life anew
Bliss to look to
Oh my what new
Delights to view
Our feelings so true
You’re you
That’s all you do
All you
Need to do


It's like being joined at the hip
But way more fun


That's why we make each other smile so much
That's why we will be an awesome pair
That's why we are not the common touch
That's why our outlook now is so fair

Classless as Fuck

No matter how I try,  the hurt just comes again
I set you free with no recriminations at all
You had my blessing to move on and be happy
Even though it was not needed, I gave it you

I asked for so little from you in return
Just some respect for my life, my feelings,
My emotions now so raw since I died
You care not a jot for my health

Don't push it in my face I said
Keep it at a distance I asked
I don't need to know what happens
Just go on and live your life

You and he have no place in my day to day
And I asked for you to keep it that way
It’s enough that I know it is there
It’s enough to know that you no longer care

But OH no not you, only one thought in your head
You care so little if I live or if I'm dead
Classless as fuck and careless of others too
You sit in his car outside our house so lovey dovey you two

He’s bringing your ticket
Or that's what you said
Kissing and snogging in plain view
Sat there his hands on your head

The smug grins when he calls
The smug grins as you leave
The smug grins on the phone
Wallpaper so big and so bold

So fucking pompous that you know it all
The truth is it's like talking to a brick wall
Your mistakes and foul lies that led us to this place
But that you won't admit to for fear of losing face

And now it's just bitterness and bile
Every day and all the while
You sneer and you snarl and not just at me
You snap and growl at our kids too,
Innocent though they be

All that is in your mind now
Is the next call, the next date
Get dressed quick don't be late
You are classless as fuck you cow

You say you're such a good Mum
I say you're actually a bum
Yeah you cook and you clean
I can do that too without the big scene

All and sundry around you, you belittle
Even the ones you call your friends
All nice and sugar sweet to their face
But behind their backs such a twist,
Your words and language a disgrace

Constantly attacking me for every little thing
Picking on this, nagging on that,
Yelling for those, screaming for them
Nothing is ever right for you
But who is the bandula one

Dodgy this, sneaky that
Cheapo those, Free some of them
Saving ten quid on this
Costing forty on that

You can't see that pulling every stunt
Doesn’t mean that you are clever
I tried to teach you from forever
It just makes you a cheapskate cunt

Vilified by you all of our married life
No matter how I tried
No matter what I did
You just never wanted me,
You never were a wife

Everything revolves around you
Does it this way, do it that will you
It doesn't matter what we do
Nothing’s ever good enough for you

It's over and done now for good
You made this mess, this bed
Lie in it, like you lied to it
I've seen through you now

And others are seeing the light
The dawn of your unmasking
Is just beyond the horizon
I can't wait for the sunrise

The bright revealing light
With its own harshness
Exposing all of your lies
And leaving you open and bare

Where will you run to this time
I know who it will be you seek
But even he will discover the truth
As you let your mask slip with familiarity

When your house of cards
Lands squarely on your head
Do not expect me to pick them up
Don’t expect me to shuffle

So cute and pretty with a fab smile
A body to die for so trim and fit
But here's one thing you need to know
Ugly inside just means you are UGLY

Inside I cry

Inside I cry and cuddle up to my pain
Inside I cry and huddle hiding again
Inside I cry and puddle my tears into the drain


The air in my chest stops
No breath can be taken
You stand naked before me
My world crashes to a standstill

How beautiful you are
My head swims in a maelstrom
A symphony fills my ears
My world crashes to a standstill

Tears blur my vision
Joyful, grateful, stunned
No sadness in them
My world crashes to a standstill

Drinking in the "youness''
Every little piece of you
Enveloped by your aura
My world crashes to a standstill

You reach for me
Enfold me in your arms
The warmth of your embrace
My world crashes to a standstill

Touched by your skin
The contact goes deep
Into my very soul
My world crashes to a standstill

Lost in your vibrance
In glorious emotions
So exquisitely wondrous
My world crashes to a standstill

Your lips brushing mine
Melding our being
Tasting so divine
My world crashes to a standstill

Your lips parting gently
Accepting me so urgently
Surrounding me warmly
My world crashes to a standstill


You think of me as just a clown
I make you laugh, and wipe away your frown
The smile is painted on my face
You hadn't guessed in case
You think of me as just a clown
But inside I watch my heart drown

The loser has to fall

Not about the money, or that's what you said
So how come every fight and all the hateful spite
Comes from a place where money is concerned
You must think I'm dumb as you climb into his car
His big flash yellow supercar
And his huge Mo'bay Crib

His wife with nothing left
And his cutting off of his kids
So now you're gonna get what you want
But pay attention to how he came to you
So ready to ditch his own kids and wife
Ready to tear apart each and every little life

Even your accusations of uselessness
Comparing me to him, Mr Perfect, Pah !
So easy to forget what was done for you
One tiny drip from his pool of wealth
Just enough to keep you hooked
To make you belittle me some more

You grin as you drive the knife right in
Seeing the hurt and pain in my eyes
And all for his "Prize" the "Playground"
For that's how he refers to you, your body
Can you understand you aren't a person to him
Just a toy to be played with until it's broken

And then cast aside and left all alone
Like Ale and his kids without a home
No access to the "Crib" so proudly 'tubed
No access to their father, just ignored
Left with their mother to pick up the pieces
As he sports across the world, you in his wake

You fall for all of his bluster and his lies
Yet you did not see right before your eyes
The man who tried to fix it all, to make it right
No, for me all you had was vitriol and spit


Sitting on the grass, on your cute ass
Watching the river flow
In the sunsets glow
Letting the red wine flow
Little dots of lights reflected glow
Chit and chat, going with the flow
City lights in your eyes aglow
Conversation going fast, then slow
Sitting on the grass, on your cute ass
Sitting in the dark, and watching the river flow

Screen Kisses

I really don't know how I feel
I know I'm bonkers about you
I know you're gorgeous enough
To make me have to clean
The kisses off my screen
I know you are in my head non stop
I know you are in my heart
But I feel disconnected !
I know that will go away when you are in my arms again X X X


Sooooo cute you are in your underwear
I wanna run my fingers through your hair
Stroke my hands across your belly
Make your legs turn into jelly


Unbidden your face floats before mine
Unbidden memories of holding you tight
Unbidden thoughts of kissing you
Unbidden the taste of your mouth on mine
Unbidden the feel of you in my arms
Unbidden images of you in your underwear
Unbidden the trousers get tight
Unbidden thoughts of tomorrow night
Unbidden restlessness and anticipation


We could be mudlarks you said ! ! !
Let’s look for buried treasure Yay !
Down by the river Thames
As it flows toward the sea
Boots slipping and sliding
The mud sucking at our feet
You turn up your sweet face
That elfin grin so vibrant and alive
A smile dancing on your lips
I’ve found it ! I yell at you
Where, you laugh back at me
It’s looking right back at me babe
Its right there my love, shining in your eyes

They !
They weren't there, and didn't feel the lightning ball in my arms
They weren't there, they didn't feel the flow
They weren't there, to watch the back and forth
They weren't there, with the electricity in the air
They weren't there, to feel the chemistry
They weren't there, when it rained and we smiled
They weren't there, when we said goodbye with heavy hearts
And they better not be there when we make love !

Written for all the people who have the gall to tell others how to live their lives

What if I came knocking?

What if I came knocking on your funny bone one night?
Would you get the gag and laugh along
Or be all put out and hide behind your affrontery
Would the smile slide right off your face?
Taking your mask with it and revealing your nasty side
What if it festered away inside you for days?
Till you took it public and not behind that door


You say you don't like me
I have news for you bitch
I don't wake up every day for you

Your life revolves around belittling me
Mine revolves around staying alive
And making our kids as happy as I can

But when you want to go sport with your man
That’s fine, off you go jump in his car, vrooooom

You whinge and whine whenever I do anything
Any little thing to make life happier for me
Any little thing to make life happier for our kids

You and he decide last minute stuff to do
And it's a rush to put on your finery for him
I'm lucky to get an hours warning of your absence

But when you want to go sport with your man
That’s fine, off you go jump in his car, vrooooom

And even when I am just taking a few hours out
You can't stand for it to be happening, can you?
Nu Uh you have to find some way to complain

You get on the phone to yell at me for whatever
You threaten to lock me out of the house
Or you give me endless grief for days at a time

But when you want to go sport with your man
That’s fine, off you go jump in his car, vrooooom

Mutual Smiles

I adore you
You are so sweet
I couldn't help
But look at you
All the way home
In your car
Watching you drive
Seeing you smile
Such a tiny smile
Playing across your lips
And feeling mine too
Breaking out with yours
The calm inside
So peaceful and soft
The ease with us
Side by Side
The feeling mutual

You say I am in your thoughts

As you are in mine

We are so good for each other

Of that I am sure

The joy we share in life

Is spilling over into our art

When it is seen and looked at later

Others will be able to chart us

As we journey on together

From the dark places of the past

And soaring upward and forward

Heading for the light

To feel it shining on our faces

Our smiles reflecting the glow

It’s all about you

It's all about you sweetie
I'm just a soppy old git
Where you are concerned
I could sit quietly for hours

Sit calmly just looking at You
So content to just be with you
To be in the same space as you
I have been in my situation for so long

I feel like I can't "read" things at times,
And just setting out on this journey together
I am insecure about my inability to "read"
It scares me in case I get it wrong

You have become so important to me
I would be devastated if I get it wrong
You have kick-started my soul
And got the spark going again

You make me warm inside
I know it isn't just the excitement of someone new,
Nor an escape from my situation, nor lust,
It's the whole real package with you,

"Being" with you is so wonderful,
Talking, silent, touching, not touching,
Everything just makes me  . . . Me,
Real and alive again, I was withering

But you made the sap rise again (Keep it clean)
You make me alive and bring the light
It's been so long for my soul to be dark
I have been subjected to such constant crap

That now I even question myself,
But you are changing that
And bringing me back to life in the process
The self-doubt and self-mistrust receding

Now my heart is beating again coz of you,
Now my heart is beating again for you
So unbelievably grateful you're in my life

For Frederick Le Poidevin, my Paternal Grandfather, 
one of the few to return from . .   

The Great War, “The war to end all wars"

Today I feel so raw
I hate any fucking war
100 years ago today
So many men died

Left in the mud
In a field far from home
Loved ones not there
Not able to mourn

Alone and afraid
Bleeding and cold
Never to grow old
Struck down in their prime
So many never to return

What thoughts in their heads
The whistle blows
And over the top
They rushed en masse
Into the teeth of hell

Barbed wire tearing flesh
Bombs ripping them apart
Bullets screaming through the air
Thudding into men
Shredding organ and bone

Strewn on the ground in pieces
Like offal on a slaughterhouse floor
No longer human
Just gobbets of meat
Lying on the sodden ground

So few came home
And those that did
Would never forget
The sights and smells
The noise, the terror

The nightmares remained
With them all their lives
For those men back home
The war never ended
Replayed in their heads

Unbidden the horrors
Recalled without warning
Breaking their souls
Countless times again
And again down the years

Unable to forget . . . . 
Lest we forget

WATCH this video

Just another Father

A woman renewing her driver's license at the DMV was asked by the clerk to state her occupation.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the clerk, "do you have a job, or are you just a ...?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman. "I'm a mother."
"We don't list 'Mother' as an occupation ... 'Housewife' covers it," said the clerk emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, years later, at our local police station.

The clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessing a high-sounding title like, "official interrogator" or "town registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it, I do not know. ... The words simply popped out.

"I'm a research associate in the field of child development and human relations."

The clerk paused, pen frozen in mid-air, and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire!

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply,

"I have a continuing program of research, in the laboratory and in the field. I'm working for my master's, and already have four credits. Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, and I often work 14 hours a day. But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are much more satisfactory than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the woman's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

When I got home, buoyed up by my auspicious new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants: ages 10, 7, and 3. Upstairs, I could hear our new experimental model, 6 months old, in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.

I felt I had triumphed over bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official record as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Father."

(I can’t claim this for my own; I did however alter it subtly to reflect my own situation)

Excuse me sir

Hey you, you Fucking Nigger
Pull over you Fucking Nigger
You got a busted tail light Fucking Nigger
I need to see your ID Fucking Nigger
Don't move your hands Fucking Nigger
Where's your ID Fucking Nigger?
What do you mean I'm racist Fucking Nigger?
I'm Asian you Fucking Nigger
Show me your permit Fucking Nigger
Don't move you Fucking Nigger
Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam !  Fucking Nigger
One less piece of shit on our streets, one less Fucking Nigger

Excuse me sir
Could you please pull over Sir?
Yes sir you have a broken tail light Sir
No sir it's OK I don't need to see your ID Sir
You're white and wearing a shirt Sir
That's good enough for me Sir
Oh you have a permit to carry a gun Sir
That's fine Sir, you can go Sir
Yes Sir I am Asian Sir
Yes Sir I am happy to "protect and serve" Sir
You have a good day now Sir
I'll continue looking after our great country Sir
Bye sir,  . . . what a lovely man that was, .  .  .  Yes Sir

(Written in anger at the news of Philando Castile and Alton Sterling’s deaths 
at the hands of US police officers 
and the atrocious and blatant racism 
exhibited in both cases)


Look at him, stupid man
All pink hair and inflatable hammer
Playing with kids in the street
And at his age too, daft old git

Look at him, stupid man
All loud clothes and water balloons
Chasing up and down the road
Making the kids laugh as they run

Look at him, stupid man
In his superman cape and a light sabre
Falling on the ground as the kids defeat him
Laughing like loons until they cry

Look at him, stupid man
All pink hair and loud clothes
Surrounded by laughing kids
Surrounded by love and laughter

Look at him, stupid man
Sitting there at the end of the day
All the kids home in bed now it's dark
All alone now his playmates are gone

Look at him, stupid man
With a smile on his lips
And warmth in his heart
Waiting for tomorrow to start

Look at him, stupid man
Now it's all over and he is gone
Just a pine box now with flowers all over
Behind the hearse, a queue of mourners

Look at him, stupid man
At the front of the church
Packed to the rafters
All those children sad faced

Look at him, stupid man
How the years have flown
Those children now grown
Telling children of their own

Look at him, stupid man
Because, that's what they said
But look at the memories he left
And the smiles on the faces

Look at him, stupid man
Multi coloured head
Buried in the graveyard
Ran himself until he was dead

Look at him, stupid man
All pink hair and inflatable hammer
All loud clothes and water balloons
We miss him, and all of his fun

Wonderful Night

My thoughts often turn to you, sometimes . . . .
Not so much naughty as so sweet and lovely
Remembering the taste of you on my lips
The beautiful image of your nakedness
Lying back so relaxed on the bed
Such a wondrous sight
Looking forward now
To yet one more
Wonderful night


Snap, Snarl

Snap, Snarl and Snipe, it never ends, does it
You're just a fucking whinger, every little fucking thing
Chewed on like a dog with a fucking bone until there's no marrow left
Until it's so chewed it snaps in half and lies on the ground rotting away
All you can do is worry the fuck out of it, Always, Always, Always,
Gnawing away at the bone until there's nothing of use left


You can't see through your lies
All the constant false attacks
Just make things worse
But oh no not in your eyes
You are justified in your lies

You have no love for those near
You only love material gains
Money and yet more money
Big Flashy cars to show off in
Big flashy crib overlooking the sea

You have no love in your soul
You care for none but you
Your lies are digging you a hole
And I will happily stand here

And hand you the fucking shovel


Every single beautiful
Sweep and curve and line,
The way your hair cascades
Across your body in waves

You are my "Someone nice"

When I look at you Babe
What is it that I see lying there?
There lies a beautiful body
Wrapped around a huge heart
Beating life into a wonderful soul

Battered down the years by life
You lay there so gloriously sweet
Unaware of your own impact on me
I sit here gazing at you in wonder
How can I have been so lucky?

I too was battered over the years
And now here we are lying together
Friends have told us so many times
You really do deserve someone nice
You need someone nice in your life

You are my “Someone nice”

I hope I am that for you my sweet


I sat there yesterday morning for five minutes,
You knew I was looking at you I could feel it
Yet you didn't know I was weeping with emotion
I was so happy and calm and filled right to the brim
That it had to spill over and run down my face
And then I lay down against you again
I used the pillow to mop my tears
Not through shame that you would see
But coz I knew it would hurt you to see me cry
Those tears are my love for you spilling from me
Unable to be contained by my already full heart
You are everything to me now and forever

Someone to love you

Let someone love you as you are
As flawed as you might think you are
As unattractive as you might think you are
As unaccomplished as you think you are
Let someone love you just as you are
Let someone love you, including every scar
All of that past pain is a part of who you are
And please honey, let that someone be me

(Paraphrased from Sandra King's Piece)
"Let someone love you, just as you are
As flawed as you might be
As unaccomplished as you might think you are
Let someone love you just as you are
And let that someone be you"

At Peace

I have never been so at peace when lying next to someone
I wanted to spend all day looking at you and drinking you in
And I wanted to spend the day just feeling your skin on mine
I wanted to spend the day making love with you so gently
And so passionately, I wanted to be inside of you so much
And I wanted to hold you with your head on my chest so calm


The scars of a previous life show through

They are just what makes you


That smile that starts in your boots
It just works its magic all the way up
Until it breaks out all over your face
To shine like a beacon in the darkness
Of what was my so miserable life


To sit and chat and see
Is the only way I want to be
Thunder and Lightning
So much fun to see and hear
Your eyes lighting up so bright
With every flash and clap
That was so special today
In almost every way


You are important to me
Time alone with you is important to me
Seeing you smile is important to me
Feeling your heart beating is important to me
Knowing you are safe is important to me
Hearing you laugh is important to me
Listening to you speak is important to me
Making love with you is important to me
Knowing you is important to me
Homeward Journeys

Sadly not to our home
But to go our separate ways
Knowing it will be some time
Before you are in my arms again
No matter how bright the day
At this time it loses its shine
The sheen goes ever so flat
The uncertainty is so painful
My heart sinks down into my boots
Forcing a smile onto my face
Coz I can do it and I'm good at that
Saying goodbye for now my love
With such a cheery tone
When all I want is to curl into a ball
And let my sadness wash over me
I turn my back and walk away from you
Not daring to glance backwards
Hoping you don't watch either
But then . . . . .

Lilies and Landmines

Lilies and Landmines
Today, which will it be
It's not your fault, my son
Life threw you a curveball

Inside you are so kind and true
But your condition messes with you
Your anger isn't real at all
It's literally all in your head

Your lack of understanding
Doesn't mean you don't know
Your lack of emotional control
Doesn't make you bad or nasty

I know you are still in there
My sweet natured little boy
What must it be like for you
Trapped in the prison of your mind

If there was a way out of there
I'd lead you along that path
Take your hand and set you free
Even if it meant killing me

So often you show your soul
And again often you retreat
Deep inside your head
Deep into that epileptic hole

For therein lies your problem
Unique to each and every one
No one knows better than you and I
How often do the Lilies turn

Into massive landmines exploding
With damage scattered far and wide
Shrapnel and the fallout everywhere
Covering everyone you hold so dear

And so today a new day dawns
Lilies and Landmines on the horizon
Today, again I ask, which will it be
It's not your fault, I wish you were free


The next time we make love with each other
I am swapping my boxers with your knickers
On weekends like this where we are so far apart
To wear each others underwear brings us close
Just feeling the textures on our skins so intimate
Some say that it's weird and freaky and kinky
But for me and you it is the closeness we miss
Nothing sexual intended, nor needed for us
This is just the best we can do at such a distance
Thinking of each other in this way, so sweet
Even with the miles keeping us apart
Every movement brings you to mind


I want to look into your eyes again
To see myself reflected in there
I want to hold you in my arms
To feel the reflection of your "embrace"
I want to touch your sweet soft skin
To feel the tenderness within

The prettiest smiles are hiding the nastiest of hearts
The prettiest eyes are windows into the darkest of souls
The sweetest of actions are hiding the meanest of intents
The sweetest of faces hides the ugliest of characters


I woke up thinking of you                                                               I fall asleep doing the same
I love talking with you                                                               Sharing our thoughts is so cool
Listening to you                                                                                             Watching you talk
I just want to hold you                                                                          I want to be held by you
To love you with all my heart                                                                       As I do too my love
I want to inspire you                                                                                       You are my muse
I've waited a long time to find you                           I’ve been here so long waiting to be found
I will give you strength love and laughter                       Your love and laughter is my strength
We will be together                                                                            To be together is my goal
I will wait for as long as it takes                                                      I hope it’s not too long now

The Left hand half written by Tina Hay, Sculptress,
The other half is of course my response J

Snuggled in nice and close
Feeling the heat from your skin
The scent of you in my nose
Knowing that you're my twin
Woke up with you in my head
Lying there dozing all aloner
Stretched out in my warm bed
With such a huge boner

Morning Part Two
Unlike yesterday morning
Sun shining through the blind
Gently awaking and yawning
With naught but you on my mind

Today on my own and hollow
Wishing to be once again with you
Basking in our oh so warm glow
Knowing that this love is our due

And now sat here so wide awake
Memories of our morn and night
So much more of that I can take
Because now at last, we know it's right

Our time, so little of it spent together
Is so valuable, precious and priceless
But our two souls connected by a tether
Our love, now cemented and boundless

Now we both know what's at stake
And how much harm we can undo
From now on the love we can make
Is gonna be long-lasting and true

Honey you think so little of yourself
But just for once you should believe
You look in the mirror and see flaws
Whilst I look at the same image of you

I see the cellulite you bemoan so much
But to me it is just a part of the you I love
The wrinkles you peer at so often wishing them gone
Show the life you've had and the character of you

The bum you claim is no longer firm
Still has the power to draw my gaze
Your boobs heading south you complain
I care not a jot for your concerns

You are you, and a beautiful you, you are
Every time we talk, or hold each other tight
I am so blown away by my good fortune
You came into my life and lifted me up again

Now you say you are getting old and soft
I cannot argue that point with you at all
But what I can tell you from my soul
Is that you are my muse, my love, my heart

You see, when I look at you, I see the reality
I see the flaws you are so quick to lament
But I see beyond this and see your life
I see also your inner beauty and soul

You are quite something and so damn cute
So talented and caring and loving and sweet
And you see me too, big belly, funny feet
Tell me what you see, when you look at me

I see the wrinkles of my own around my eyes
My belly now no longer fits in my favourite jeans
My skin no longer as elastic as it once was
But my love tell me what you see looking at me

Then remember that I see these things too
The way you look at me with love in your eyes
Seeing beyond the physical mess and damage
I know you see me ! The real me inside

When I was a lithe young man so proud and brave
Standing naked in the bathroom like an Adonis
Performing my morning rituals of wash and shave
I still see glimpses of that young man in the reflection

I am looking in your mirror now
Looking at you in the glass.
I see glimpses too of you
The girl you were back then

But you know what makes me smile now
Standing here with you in my embrace
Seeing the character in your face
Seeing the life in you, shining out at me

Seeing and feeling the you, you've become
Both of us battle-scarred by our pasts
And yet now, here we stand, side by side
When I tell people I'm with you, it's with pride

I am such a lucky man, damn near dead
Physically and emotionally, battered and bruised
Worn down by years of life's pitfalls and traps
You came to my rescue, to my aid

Bandages made from love
Poultices of tenderness
Salves of emotions
All of this you give to me

You don't hesitate to offer up your heart
I gladly accept your love so freely given
Reborn anew, strength returns, as does my smile
Come into my arms my love, I'll wrap you up in care

Life without you now, a terrifying prospect
For you and I are meant to be, loving so free
Supporting each other from here on
Getting more wrinkles together, but now

It's our life together being written in the lines
You and me, and my big belly, and your bits
Heading south and catching up (Down) with mine
When we are old and our tale is told, in wrinkles

Those things we now view with distaste
Will be the things that write our script
Telling the world of our pains and joys
Leaving behind for others a love story

One to be told often and with care
Your kids and mine relating our bliss
Our sunset years held up as example
Never give up on love it will find you

Mumbled between your tits

Lying with my head
On your chest
Little kisses placed
Upon your breasts
And then I speak
Murmuring softly
Breath gently wafts
Across your skin
You can't hear
But you can feel
Five little words
I love you to bits
Trying to encompass
A million words
In one sentence
Means the world
So much emotion
How can I tell you
What you are to me
I've told you some
But not enough
How do I explain
So cold for years
And now so warm


Give me the truth
Some respect
A little loyalty
And consideration
Alien as that is to you

All your fancy talk
Will not hide your deceit
Already the veil starts to slip
You sneer at your friends
Your lies they start to see

So careful or so you think
The truth begins to show
One by one they see through 
Into your sordid little world
The exposure of your lies

When the light shines upon you
All your bullshit will be laid bare
Your sad attempts at being normal
Failure all the way, every damn day
And now your wall begins to fall

Sneering your way through life
Never truly tried to be a wife
Just something to be endured
A means to an end, nothing more
And now money rules and it's bye

Trust me you won't be missed
Your anger and insane rants
Your attempts to twist the facts
Seen through by the kids you lie to
It's just a matter of time now . . . 

Ball Lightning

That rarest of phenomena

Careered into my arms

And sparked a new lease of

Life for me became so much

Better than before, but I didn't

Know it would be so brief so

Short a time to be spent alive

And feeling like a man again

Vibrant and Sparkling like a

Diamond in the skies above

The twinkling will live on in

My heart and head, treasured
For years to come, lifting me up
When I am down, and every time
There's a thunderstorm and rain
With lightning flashing across the
Sky lighting up the world so bright
Much as that ball did for me, then
You will again come unbidden to
Mind and make me smile at the
Memories of confusion at the
Station and the grass and your ass
And red wine and twinkling of
Lights reflected in the water
The rain that didn't dampen our
Spirits as we ran for cover and
Laughed at the sky

I would not abandon you

I awoke to drift up from the depths of my sleep
I could feel you in my arms, holding you close to me
Feeling your body against mine,
My emotions for you exquisitely painful,
I surfaced further from my slumber
I felt the need to kiss you,
I lowered my face
To kiss the top of your head
As I did so I thought,

Damn pillows taste funny !

I am aching to spend time with you
Hammocks or not, I don't mind
Although the look of that bed
Behind your behind
Could be such a playground
And a haven from the world

Fun and laughter between those sheets
And salvation from the BS of our past
Safe and warm us two together in there
Just we full of love and kisses and care
Leaving the nastiness out of there

Awaken with a smile

I want you to wake up with a smile on your lips, 
It's Sunday Morning and you can lie in bed 
My arms around you holding you close and safe
Feeling your sleepy warmth so comforting

The scent of your hair
The scent of your skin
Fills the air in the room
Fills my soul with calm

To wake up entwined every day
You a permanent fixture in my head
You a permanent fixture in my bed
You a permanent fixture in my arms

To wake up and feel this way
Would be an absolute bliss
Eyes opening to a gentle kiss
Tasting your sweet lips on mine

Front and Centre

You are in my thoughts non-stop now

Before I did think of you now and again

With fondness and ruefully coz you were gone

But now, with nothing in the way

I am able to let my thoughts run free

Even more so lately your words and actions

So much trust and sharing and caring

Between us both, from you to me and back

So now, you are front and centre

And have been all day, from waking

Through Sunday Dinner, and a Footie match

And beyond for days more and more
There you are in my mind, on my mind
No complaints from me on this though
My vision is filled with your face so cute
My 44 year old child that brings me such Joy


It's easy enough to not care
But once you know
What is happening
That's when you discover
Just how much
You do care !

Worst fucking day of my life

The deepest pain I have ever felt

Was when I denied my own feelings

For the sake of making others happy

Buried deep in me that pain gnawed

At my very soul till I felt dead inside

And all for what ? I will tell you for what

To be kicked in the teeth That's fucking what

Whilst they are so comfortable and happy

I am dying inside, withering on the vine

Yet they go on with a smile on their faces

Oblivious to the damage they have inflicted

Now taken from me, leaving me bereft

All of my hard work and love so lavished

Only to be lied to / about, to be suspected

Facing so many accusing stares and angry looks

Now all the lies told over and over again

Every time a new audience was met

So believable with his cheeky grin

And that killer ability to turn it on at a whim

Sitting there looking at me knowing what he has done

Knowing how deep is my agony and despair

So now I have to face fuck knows how long

I have to endure days, weeks, maybe even months

Without him as the "Caring" Services take over

All three times before when they have been involved

They have damn near killed him, falling into traffic

Supposed 24/7 "Waking" care that was in fact sleep

Disturbing him in the night putting him more at risk

Allowing him to Spend his money on fripperies

Instead of trying to teach him how to budget and survive

And now his runaway mouth has done it again

But it's not just me, His mother too and the girls

All now being investigated by the "Caring" Services

Ten Year Old Amy facing a quizzing at her school

The same for Chantelle, pubescent 12 year old

With all the mood swings that that entails for a girl

And there he sits safely tucked up in his hospital bed

With a new and captive audience with every shift change

More of his fantasy life played out for willing ears

Way too ready to run to the "Caring" Services with tales

His head filled with dreams of his own flat and freedom

Not acknowledging how carefree he already is in his own home

Tales of being starved and penniless, with no clothes to wear

So hateful and hurtful, to have raised this boy with such love

And this is how he repays us, his parents, his true carers



This tango
We dance to
The rhythm
And beat
That makes us
Move together
Even though
We can't touch
It touches us
Reaching deep
Inside us
So that the
Primal metronome
Keeps us in time

I want to cradle your battered heart
In my arms up close and next to mine
Washing away the grief and hurt
With my tears that fall for your pain

I want to make you whole again
To Rise up and be beautiful
Once more to stun the world
To shine so brightly like before

You make my spirits soar
Your face so alive and bright
Your hair so vibrant and mobile
My heart swells within my chest

You truly, in my life, are the best
Many times before I have been duped
But with you I know there's no tricks
Every single thing is for real

You have made me feel
Where before I was cold
Now the world is glowing gold

Between you and me
I am so much older
I am scared of your view
What will I think of you

What will you think of me
Will you see me as the hunk
You remember from all
Those years ago so young

Or do you sit there and long
For that lithe and supple man
Scared that the reality will fail
Hopeful that our love will prevail

To know that you care so wonderful
To see that look in your eyes
The way you looked at me today
Restored my soul and belief


Missing you more each time we say goodnight
A physical ache inside of me so strong
This tells me what we have is good and right
Each time we part I hope it won't be for long

The desire to cup your sweet face in my hands
To feel the heat of your body as I draw you close
Emotions running loose like deserts drifting sands
And in the soft dark night my heart rhythm now flows

My breath hitches in my chest a stutter in the beat
Every night as I grow weary and start to drift away
I can feel you just out of reach so tempting and sweet
My wanting so urgent, my desire for you to stay

My words so inadequate to express my truth
How deep my feelings have been made to run
Returning my battered emotions to their youth
How could I imagine this when it had just begun

Never did I think I'd get to feel this way again
To spend my days in such anticipation of a call
I envisaged my days dragging on so full of pain
Finally a woman enough to hold me in such thrall


You are a Queen ... so strong, you don't really need a King to reign
But if there's a King that can love you as much as you love,
Then that's The King that truly deserves your love

The past is yesterday, and your life needs to move on
You deserve so much more than a man who doesn't love you
I hope you will listen to the secret your heart has been telling you

That loving this King, your King, is a beautiful path in your life
For you now to see how far you can love
And how much you deserve to be loved

Your King, this King, has been tired too,
Of waiting for you to come, to appear in his life
Somewhere along your future path of Destiny

I love you, and feel that I deserve you ...
I will not bring you to the point of despair
I am better, and I belong to you

All this time, I've just been waiting to be found
And you too ... and you too .... just waiting to be found


It hurts so much
To love this way
To be consumed
By your emotions

Each and every
Day begins with
You in my head
Filling every nook

It hurts so much
Wanting to touch
Reaching out with
My hand to hold

But you aren't
There, nowhere to
Be found, it's like
Swallowed by ground
The World goes away

You show the world your tough side
Never letting anyone else see

But I went beyond to find the real you
Now I know you’re softer in there

I have seen your beautiful soul
And my heart is full of love and desire

When you take me in your arms
There is just you, and the world goes away

Your embrace makes me soar
Your smile is my sunshine

The twinkle in your eyes
When you look into mine

To wake up every day knowing
I can see your face next to mine

Your lips on mine so gentle and soft
There is just you, and the world goes away

Gagging for it

It’s been so long
Too damn long
It feels so wrong
This pain inside

I need it now

A Cuddle


You are woman shaped honey
Sweeping vistas of curvy womanhood
Drawing my eyes to your beauty
Making me desire your every inch

If I was in your bed right now
I'd make sure you felt real good
Long before I even got started

I'd spend hours between your legs
Face first and glued there
And then hold you tight in my arms as you cum

Hold you till the passions subside
Hold you till the warmth seeps away
Hold you as you look into my eyes

Hold you tight in my arms


The next step
We take little steps every day
Today you discovered a bigger step

I feel that every day
And every hour of every day
And every minute of every hour of every day

I know there is no easy solution
But until we do something we will be left in limbo
Wondering what might be

Or just throwing it all away
Without ever scratching the surface
Of what we can be together

I believe we would be formidable
An unstoppable force of nature
Do NOT stand in our way

Portugal is where we find "Us"
Neutral ground for you
Almost for me

Surrounded by people
Who will accept you
For being you

No judgements made
People who will accept you
Because you are with me

Friends with Charlie
People who will love you for YOU
As they get to know you

Just as I have


But when you want to go sport with your man
That’s fine, off you go jump in his car, vrooooom

You whinge and whine whenever I do anything
Any little thing to make life happier for me
Any little thing to make life happier for our kids

You and he decide last minute stuff to do
And it's a rush to put on your finery for him
I'm lucky to get an hours warning of your absence

But when you want to go sport with your man
That’s fine, off you go jump in his car, vrooooom

And even when I am just taking a few hours out
You can't stand for it to be happening, can you
Nu Uh you have to find some way to complain

You get on the phone to yell at me for whatever
You threaten to lock me out of the house
Or you give me endless grief for days at a time

But when you want to go sport with your man
That’s fine, off you go jump in his car, vrooooom

I love you

I love how your lips move when you talk
I love how you move when you walk
I love how you care so much for me
I love how beautiful you are
I love how your eyes shine
I love how you turn me on
I love how you laugh
I love how you smile
I love you to bits
I love you


My spirits were sagging,
Hiding behind the smile
You stopped the decline
With your wonderful soul
You raise me back up
Make me alive again
Restored my self-belief

But that's not it

I can still see the you, from back then,
But I can also see now what I should have seen then
For it wasn't disguised very well,
It was always just beneath the surface,
Like a goldfish in a murky pool,
You catch a glimpse now and again 
Through the water,
But when the pool has been cleaned
I see you're not a goldfish,
You’re a piranha

I want you naked and spread on a bed
Legs wide so I can see you properly
I want to see the glistening of your juices on your lips
Making me hard look at me honey
Rock hard cock in hand slowly stroking
Looking at your beautiful pussy
The head all swollen with desire
Reach down for me honey
Play, dip, spread
You drive me crazy
Slowly I lean over you, Kiss you gently on the mouth
Rest my cock gently against your pussy
Push slowly and gently just the head enters you and I stop
You’re clawing at my ass
Desperate to drag me deeper into you
Nails digging into my skin
Still I resist
Your eyes are on fire you whimper and moan

I SLAM my cock hard and deep inside you all of it buried
Balls slammed against your butt
Your eyes wide open with the shock
The pleasurable surprise of being full
And then I draw out again till I am almost gone
Smiling down at you
I do it again
Slamming into you
Seeing your smile
We both start to laugh
The joy of being so free
So erotic
So Sexy
I kiss your sweet mouth with laughter and drive my cock deeper than before

Exploding deep inside you
Filling your pussy with my hot cum
Hold me tight, tell me it's right

Begin the Dance

Stroking your hair in your sleep
Watching you at rest
Peaceful easy breaths
The rise and fall of your chest
Catches my eye and I notice
We have fallen into a matching rhythm
Breathing together almost as one

Remembering your tender kisses
And the way you touched me
Smelling the lovely of you
As I lay here with you in my arms
Feeling the warmth of your skin
On mine the soft silkiness of you
Making me want you again
Wanting to feel you enfolding me
In your beautiful warm embrace

The memory stirs me again
But you look so serene
I can't disturb you now nor soon
I return to watching you at rest
And fold myself back into the spoon

Patiently I lie here now so calm, at peace
Sleep on my beautiful Sweetness
I will be here when you wake
I will be waiting to feel you stir
To begin the dance again


Your hair cascading down over my face
Creating our very own private space
Surrounded by you
All I can see is that beautiful face
Above me filling my vision

I feel you shift
And your boobs come into focus
The sweet weight of them resting on me
My face accepting them
Their feel as they move slowly
Further up until my mouth
Can taste and savour them

The stiffness of your nipples
Between my teeth
The pressure from them
As you succumb to the pleasure
My tongue applies to you

Again I feel you shift
The warmth coming from you
No! The HEAT coming from you
Moves slowly up my belly
As your breasts depart my mouth
I watch them gently swaying
As you move further up

The heat is sliding over my chest
My own nipples like bullets
My anticipation skyrockets
So hot right now on me
And then your sweet aroma
Enters my nose you drive me wild
And then . . . . .  almost there you pause . . . .

I am filled with nothing but you
Your most intimate secret
Is my entire world
Nothing else matters nor moves
Time stands still, Silence reigns
Even my breathing has stopped
As yours has too poised on the brink

This is the moment, do or die
The connection will be complete
This one act of desire
Of tenderness
Between one spirit
Residing within two bodies
Is encompassed in this one moment
The most gentle and accepting
Act of passion and love . - - - - - - - - - -  T.B.C


P.S. last night you overpowered me when we finished talking
I stayed up a while longer to consider what was said
Your picture set as my Desktop Wallpaper
Your gorgeous face staring back at me
Those deep and welcoming eyes, so blue
The swoop and swerve of your bare shoulder
Down into the swell of your breast . . .

I failed to resist the male urge, I, was incredibly hard
Harder than I have been for a very long time
I told you (your pic) how much I want you
I told you that I wanted to give you sweet orgasms
I want to make the gentlest (and passionate too) love with you
To kiss your lovely face, shower kisses all over you

To just be in that pic with you I stared into your eyes
And spoke to you telling you things as yet unsaid
I spoke of desire and passion, and yes, love too
I spoke of your beauty and the sweetness of your body
All the time you looked back at me from my screen

You knew what was happening and you seemed to smile
The effect you have on me plain for you to see
I asked if I was wrong or right
You said "so sweetly right my darling"
I asked, with my heart beating crazy rhythms
What you would want of me at this moment

And your answer
"Come for me honey"

Made me need you more

Like a good man I complied

Mentally undressing each other


I want you so bad
I need you so bad
I love you so good
Kiss you so good
Kiss you till your
Ears burn off


Why am I sitting here
Nervous as a kitten
My heart in my throat

I keep checking for replies
Expectantly waiting
Wanting to see your words

Wanting to see your face
To chat and laugh again
So much fun and games

The range and depth
Appealing to my soul
Why am I sitting here


You make me laugh when I don't even want to smile,
You drop bombs on me that make me cry,
Not in a bad way, but with empathy,
Every time I see your face you take my breath away,
I love how you laugh so freely and with gusto,
And the gaps between joke and laughter,
As it seeps in and registers,
I love those little pauses,
I love how our conversations are disjointed
And just run with the butterflies in our heads
As they flit from thought to thought,
I hate how we don't stay on topic,
Especially when I want to say something,
But you are already off somewhere else,
I love how you stop and apologise
For going off elsewhere,
I love your Bluey Green eyes,
Even as they refuse to stay open
And you need to sleep,
I love your beautiful long hair,
In fact if there's something I don't love about you,
I have yet to find it !

A Minor Mishap doesn't have to become a Mountainous Misadventure

Breathe (Part 2)

My chest heaves and
All the air leaves the
Room, silence descends
As I sit there gazing in
Awe at the beautiful face
In front of me eyes closed
In repose, black & white
So peaceful, angelic and
Still, with a shuddering
Breath my lungs refill and
The room returns to view
Noises that had disappeared
Return and I feel my heartbeat
Once again, as I drink in every
Last feature of your beautiful
Face I wonder at how I got
Here to this place and time
My life was over and done
Destined to see out my days
With no touch or solace of
A loving soul to care for me
Nor I for her whoever or
Wherever she may be
But then you appeared
Back in my life and you
Made me smile again
Even though you weren't
Mine I was glad to see you
Once again, and then the
Madness came and tore
Your life apart, hurting
Not just you, but also me
I wanted, no, needed to
Make you whole again
To make that sweet face
Sparkle with JOY once more

The other half of me

I have been "In Love" before
Or so I thought back then
But you and the Joy you bring
Made me rethink my past
So that now with you
I know what it really means

Kinda !

You're kinda Funny
You're kinda Sweet
You're kinda Hot
You're kinda Sexy
You're kinda Cute
You're kinda Blonde
You're kinda Caring
You're kinda Loving
You're kinda Freaky
You're kinda Playful
You're kinda Silly
You're kinda Witty
You're kinda Clever
You're kinda Delicious
You're kinda Luscious
You're kinda Sultry
You're kinda Fiery
You're kinda Smoking
You're kinda Provocative
You're kinda Racy
You're kinda Seductive
You're kinda Sensual
You're kinda Cuddly
You're kinda Huggable
You're kinda Kissable
You're kinda Slinky
You're kinda Beautiful
You're kinda Pretty
You're kinda Dainty
You're kinda Charming
You're kinda Nurturing
You're kinda Protective
You're kinda Passionate
You're kinda Romantic
You're kinda Thoughtful
You're kinda Warm
You're kinda Tender
You're kinda Erotic
You're kinda Weird
You're kinda Odd
You're kinda Unusual
You're kinda Unconventional
You're kinda Crazy
You're kinda Impish
You're kinda Spirited
You're kinda Flirtatious
You're kinda Frisky
You're kinda Lively
You're kinda Mischeivous                   You're kinda Kind, but most of all
You're kinda Teasing                          You're kinda all of the above and
You're kinda Vivacious                       You're kinda My Kinda Girl X X X X



Once again you invade my dreams
Your soft hair cascades across my stomach
You lie there gently touching me
Feeling me come alive to your touch

And once again
I come awake hard
My dream inspired
By your songs
And you

A mix of pure love and desire
More and more this experience
Surprises me with its intensity
I discover things I never knew I could feel

You are like a bright light
Shining on my love
Exposing the truth of it
Taking me places in my heart
Never before to have been seen


I want you to rest your head on my chest
When you need to cry and let it out
I want my skin to absorb your tears and pain
Let my heart accept your worries and fears


Hold you close
Let you hear
That heartbeat
It's just for you

For by Four

For Four months now
I've held your hand
Calmed you down
Wiped your tears

Listened to it all
Every fucking rant
Each and every pain
Tears falling like rain

Made you laugh out loud
When you didn't want to smile
Caressed your battered ego
Assuaged all your fears

Told you I love you
Hugged you tight
Held you close
Heard all your moans

All the ups and downs
Been there without fail
Day or night, ALL night
And now I see at last

The days you don't call
The days you don't message
The days with no contact
The days when I don't exist

I know you have a life
As do I with my kids
I know you have been hurt
As have I for so long now

But I'm there for you
I don't hide behind
My life doesn't intrude
You my love, I include

We were set to heal
Each other’s battered
Hearts and minds and souls
Bandages of Love and care

At least that what I thought
But when the big one happens
You feel down coz this isn't right
You have to get a job and fight
Your art has to step aside
Just for a short while
So you can make money
You go into a spin again

And there I am once more
Words of praise and love
Accepting what must now happen
Little time for us together

I know this and deal
But on the biggest day
Where are you now ?
Nowhere to be seen or heard

I know it's not easy
It’s not for me too
But I wanted to be there
For you on this day

Deafened by the silence
Blinded by the dark
Sleepless with worry
Dragged down by care

I don't want to disturb you
I know there's a lot to do
I wait patiently by the phone
Only to spend my night alone

Not even a message
Nor a quick call
"I don't wanna talk now"
That would settle my nerves

But it seems to me
That it's all one way
Until it suits you
And then it just hurts

Cuts deep into my soul
I've offered up my heart
Like the daft old cunt I am
Bare and open wide

Never felt this way before
So willing to bare my soul
Spread wide for you to enter
Unafraid of loving you

Stripped right back
To the very bones
Everything laid out
Just for you to take

And take you have
With so little in return
Making myself believe
Ends up in make believe

Allowed myself to care
Once more I give it all
And once more the pain
That's all I get in return

Not again, no more
I truly found love
This time deep inside
And now tossed aside

This time I thought
It was for real, so true
Never had I felt this way
The depth of my love

So scared every moment
So blissfully happy every day
So afraid of it going wrong
So wary of your pain

And yet here it is again
A hole in my heart so big
All of my love drains out
Leaving me empty inside

So I retreat once more
No more pain for me
Safe back here again
Behind the wall of loneliness

Here I'll stay now
Alone in the dark
In here it doesn't hurt
In here I can heal


Where to start
Joy in my Heart

I so love you
You know I do

But you're far away
On this special day

This day hurts like fuck
To have such bad luck

Our lives will mesh
And touch our flesh

The world will go away
No longer will it be grey

And on that beautiful day
All our pains will be allayed

You and I are meant to be
Finally our hearts will fly free

Souls soaring into the blue
Free to heal and begin anew

I want to give to you

I want to give to you my pain

So you can feel the things I do

So you can feel the things YOU do

The shit things you do to me Bitch
I want you to dig deep inside me

See the agony you inflict on me

All the bile you spit and spray

Eating away at my soul like acid
Just one day let you see with my eyes

So you can see how much I fear you

Stand in my place in front of you

Feel how you make me feel so small
See the world I do through my fears

Maybe then you will finally understand

Really understand what it is you do

Feel the sharp salty sting of my tears
Feel the way they course down my face

Leaving tracks filthy with your hate

As the pain overflows from my eyes

No matter how I try to stop them
I'd like to see through your eyes one day

Just to see the way you hate me so much

I'd turn my back on you that day too

And then you would discover how it hurts
I would raise my voice to you so loud

Let you feel that spite pouring from you

Look into those hate filled eyes as I screech

Feel your ears close up under the assault
Then you can feel my pain, feel my tears

Taste my tears and scream deep inside

The feeling of barbed wire as a tightrope

And all the colours of life taken from you
Discover my fears, caused by you

The glee in your eyes shining so bright

As you drive in yet another dagger

Twisting it deep as you thrust it in
Ripping into my poor battered heart yet again

Only then will you even begin to understand

Why I am the way I am, you made this, YOU

Didn't like what you had, so you changed it
Now you hate what I've become, what you made

Despising me so much every minute of every day

Hating that I bent to your will, did your bidding

Why you hate so much what you manufactured
You make no sense to anyone but yourself

I used to say I missed you when you were gone

I used to say don't leave me here alone again

But now, that's changed, your hate did that
I used to hide my pain and tears from you

But the day I died and saw your disgust

You looked at me across the ambulance

Like something smelly stuck to your shoe
You thought I was not awake or aware

Sad for you to understand, I was there

Inside of the collapsed weakened body

Seeing and hearing all around me
That look of disgust, the nasty Comments

I heard and saw it all as I lay there dying

How you must have been so disappointed

When I came back from the dead, alive again
That day changed my life for me, no longer meek

In the face of your disdain, I stand now taller

No longer afraid of what you can do to me

I lived without you before, and will do so again
I always thought it was weak of me to cry

But then I learnt that it saved my sanity

And that smile I know use for defence

Drives you mad with yet more hatred
I no longer care about your vicious ways

I know you think I now hate you, you're wrong

I never do, and never did hate you, you're wrong

You will never understand the how or why I care
The smallest of things matter so much

They are the things that make the day

So much difference to life comes from them

A smile, a touch, a hug, a word of care
The small things make all the difference

But you can't see for they are insignificant

To your great grandiose plan for yourself

No one and nothing allowed to obstruct
But now you need to finally understand

Your bullshit and twisted fucked up lies

No longer are believed by me or others

And so you will need a readjustment !
But that will not sit well with you will it

Coz of course you are so omnipotent

Deluded and out of touch with reality

Your "Alternative Facts" backing you up
Backing you into a corner in truth

And as your world grows ever smaller

With your "friends" leaving in droves

Will it dawn on you ? will you understand
Sadly I don't believe you will ever get it

But please feel free to tell me if any of it

Ever does get through, and maybe lead to

Regrets, far too late and useless as they may be
When you do realise that your lies and bile

Have torn apart what you had, so much better

Than you could have ever dreamt of as a child

Swinging on the gate in the ghetto with dreams
Floating around in your head of the White guy

From London coming to sweep you off your feet

Going to love you and treat you right, that needs

You to treat him right so he will stay sweeping
Instead the sweeping got done with a switch broom

Sweep it under the carpet so he doesn't see the crime

Sweep it around the corner so he can't find the crime

Sweeping out all the good and replacing it with hate
I hope you're happy now, for you have succeeded

No more love left here, beaten down and out

No matter how much effort went into salvaging

You put more into lies and destruction and hate
But now it's not just getting away from you

Now it's so much more that you can't understand

Battered and bruised from all of your assaults

Guess what ? this heart still knows how to love
Yes, believe that, LOVE can still reside in here

And it doesn't just reside, it positively dances

Lives and breathes, Flourishes under a gentle

Nurturing touch, that's all it took to rekindle
So now you sit there in your house of cards

Riches piled high around you, or so you think

All the true treasures in your life leaking away

Leaving you to sit there on your plastic throne
Sitting pompously astride your oh so high horse

Gazing down upon the peasants at your feet

Will it sink slowly in as you realise you're alone

Clutching your twisted hatred to your cold breast
I hope it does at last get through your arrogance

Reaching beneath your thick crocodile like skin

At long last you start to really feel emotions

And realise at long last that you did this, you
THEN . . . I WILL, leave you . . . . all alone

Butterfly of Love

So fragile as it flits from flower to flower
Skittish in the air and buffeted by breeze
It lands but briefly on barren stems
But where there is nectar and nurture

That is where it stays for sustenance
The flower opens accepting the butterfly
Both taking nourishment from the welcome
When given so carefree, so gratifyingly

But like the torture wheel breaking
Wings fall to the ground in tiny pieces
Destroyed in seconds so carelessly
The delicate butterfly of love so broken

Love, when strong, can conquer everything
Even trivial stupidity and inane harsh words
The butterfly lies there injured, hurt & crumpled
Love can, and will, with care, be repaired in time

Words spoken foolishly, need to be chosen
Now with care, tenderness and true affection
Must these words that fall from the mouth
For without love and care, hearts will lie bare

Empty and destroyed in moments of insanity
So easy to wound, so hard to retract and mend
Only fools and drunks disregard these truths
Left to reflect and repent the idiocy of their words


I'm glad that I wasted all those hours
Wasted for me but not it appears for you
All that time invested in what I believed
Would lead to the love of my lifetime
Turned out to be no more than healing

Your busted spirit and stroking your ego
And now with the first opportunity to arise
You grab it with both hands, grateful for it
The chance now to end this fiasco and be free
Accepting of all the words of comfort and care

Healing you to allow your own faith to return
And then left with the problem of how to end
Your unthinking selfishness provided the answer
Never did you guess that that picture would hurt
But it did, and my innocent request for courtesy

Rejected and ignored with the accusation of drama
Saved you the agony of trying to find the way out
There it was right in front of you, such good fortune
My pain and hurt, you could use it to your advantage
Accuse me of being a drama queen and then ignore

No matter what was now said, nor how bared was my soul
There was your escape, pick and choose the bits you need
And then attack me on those points only, Et Voila ! success
Pretend your innocent and I'm the aggressor, that works
Apologies and explanations now completely pointless

You got what you wanted, allowing you to walk away
Head held high as yet again you are allowed to be the victim
Your own version of the world playing out perfectly once more
Fits all your personal agendas now, you can be free and happy
Your own reality perfectly arranged again, you at the centre

The star of your own show basking in the adulation of your fans
Glowing in the lights of your magnificent stage starring you
The poor downtrodden victim princess so beautifully damaged
Admired and loved by all your groupies around the internet
And in the shadows as I always was for so many real stars

Standing in the wings again, assuring that the show goes on

Your Loss

Your accepting
Your ire
Your anger
Your martyrdom
Your victimisation
Your selfishness
Your drama
Your agenda
Your innocence
Your reality

Your Loss

Small Minds

Small places and towns where we grow

Breed Small minds, don't you know

Making big accusations, unfounded

Peeing on wall in town unwarranted

A big troop of Monkeys in a camp

And the Priests wife ! Such a tramp

Having an orgy with you, towns ugliest

But for one oh so small point, the funniest

This fantasy can be believed like a proud boast

The rumour spread like butter on warm toast

Till you can no longer go outside without ridicule

People stare at the madman / woman, oh so cruel

Fucking Monkeys and the wife of the Priest

Whilst peeing against a wall like a kind of beast 

No small feat this, considering everything fact

The physical limitations involved in this act

No matter what kind of shameless tramp

Is married to the Priest dressed like a vamp

But here's the kicker to this oh so fantastic tale

To put an end to all that gnashing and that wail

Stop believing crap and thinking like a clown

There are no fucking monkeys in this town !

Inspired by a joke between my friend Monica Sorensen and I 

My inspiration for words comes from the awesome Leonard Cohen,
And in particular this piece,

“A Thousand Kisses Deep “

"You came to me this morning
And you handled me like meat
You’d have to be a man to know
How good that feels, how sweet

My mirror twin, my next of kin
I’d know you in my sleep
And who but you would take me in
A thousand kisses deep

I loved you when you opened
Like a lily to the heat
You see, I’m just another snowman
Standing in the rain and sleet

Who loved you with his frozen love
His second hand physique
With all he is, and all he was
A thousand kisses deep

I know you had to lie to me
I know you had to cheat
To pose all hot and high
Behind the veils of sheer deceit

Our perfect porn aristocrat
So elegant and cheap
I’m old but I’m still into that
A thousand kisses deep

I’m good at love, I’m good at hate
It’s in between I freeze
Been working out but, it’s too late
(It’s been too late for years)

But you look good, you really do
They love you on the street
If you were here I’d, kneel for you
A thousand kisses deep

The autumn moved across your skin
Got something in my eye
A light that doesn’t need to live
And doesn’t need to die

A riddle in the book of love
Obscure and obsolete
Till witnessed here in time and blood
A thousand kisses deep

But I’m still working with the wine
Still dancing cheek to cheek
The band is playing Auld Lang Syne
But the heart will not retreat

I ran with Diz, I sang with Ray
I never had their sweep
But once or twice they let me play
A thousand kisses deep

I loved you when you opened
Like a lily to the heat
You see, I’m just another snowman
Standing in the rain and sleet

Who loved you with his frozen love
His second hand physique
With all he is, and all he was
A thousand kisses deep

But, you don’t need to hear me now
And every word I speak
It counts against me anyhow
A thousand kisses deep"

Leonard Cohen

Interview with CLiPiCs

I was born in Guernsey in the Channel Islands, the only part of the UK to be occupied by the Germans during WWII, as a child I was able to explore the ruins of many of the fortifications left behind, and also able to speak the odd word of German, like “Verboten” LOL, actually it wasn’t too funny for a lot of the generation above me, my Father included, and some close relatives who suffered the horrors of war.

I left in my teens to go off to and see the world, well at least the UK to start with, I gigged as a DJ with a difference, covered in makeup and dressed in GlamRags :-) I washed dishes in restaurants, worked market stalls etc, anything that would put food in my belly and then I ended up working in the music business as a “roadie” progressing on to become a Tour Manager, which I spent a lot of years doing, mostly fun, the occasional blip but thankfully not too many, and strangely considering my heritage, one of the places I came to love was Germany, I will return one day with a camera and go to some of the wonderful places I drove past for all those years , when I finally stopped rocking the world I got the chance to slow down and indulge my long time hobby of photography and in doing so I discovered the joys of PS at the start of 2008 and the rest as they say is a pile of dodgy manipulations, you thought I was going to say history Dincha ?

Q. What do you do when you hit a creative block?

A: If editing and I get a block, shut the image, turn off the computer and do something entirely different, Movie, a walk along the canal, go for a pint, anything that will empty the image from my mind, usually when I come back to it, I see it anew, and either go where I originally intended, or start all over again, hoping that I don’t hit another block LOL, photography, the same thing really, put the camera down and walk away from it, ditto with writing, although that usually tends to just tumble out of me, very few pieces get edited.

Q. What gets you in a creative mood?

A: Nothing and everything, sometimes, it just flows, other times something as random as watching the water run down the plughole, clockwise where I am !

Q. From what, do you receive the most inspiration?

A: The “Rose”, women are amazing and as varied as the “Rose” which is why my quest is to try to “Understand the Rose” although I doubt if I ever will, and it isn’t just about understanding what makes a woman, or women tick (like there’s an answer to that LOL) but trying to understand their beauty, be they Slender or Ample, Short or Tall, whatever, there isn’t a woman on the planet who isn’t beautiful in some way, be it inner or outer beauty, all women possess a beauty that somehow men don’t, trying to get to the bottom of that is driving me insane, not that I have far to go to get there ! the insanity that is, not a woman’s bottom, er I think I’ll shut up now…

Q. What was your initial inspiration that got you started in your art/photography?

A: Both of my parents had an eye for the more beautiful things in life, Art, Scenery, in particular in my house, Music, my Father was a Violinist and my house was always full of music, my Mother was a dancer, and loved Ballet, and my three siblings were all musical, the music ranged from the Classics through to the then current chart hits, which as a child included the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, as I grew up I discovered “Rock” as it was known, no silly subcategories back then, Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Black Sabbath and the like, all of which opened my ears and eyes too, to the wonders of the arts, one of the most amazing things that caught my eye from all of this was an album cover Disraeli Gears by Cream at the age of 12, who could fail to be impressed by that !

Q. When did you start?

A: Aged about five I guess painting the top of shoe boxes with twee little cottage scenes with roses around the door, Roses !

Q. How long have you been shooting?

A:  All of my life, well since I could hold a camera properly really, bit hard to take photos while still in the cot :-) about five again, on a family trip to northern France, to Mont St. Michel an absolutely stunning place, and my father bought me a two bob plastic camera, I think I did the film in before we were across the causeway :-) Mont St, Michel has stayed with me to this day, and is another place I would like to return to

Q. What are your goals?

A: Happiness for myself and my children, and to have someone remember me when I am gone, a couple of decent sales wouldn’t go amiss along the way !

Q. How has your work changed in the last 12 months?

A: Oh boy what a question, hopefully my PS Skills have been honed a bit, my eye has been able to see more than before, but a large part of my photography has been photojournalism of late, which I am really enjoying, plus I took a course at a college, had a great tutor and even at my age I learnt a whole load of new things, so I guess you can teach an old dog a new trick J

Q. How would you like your work to develop in over the next 12 months?

A: More Sales, Money, Money . . . er  . . . I am hoping for an exhibition this year, A distinct possibility in a 200 year old building YAY, and I have a Gallery on a river, well actually it’s a café with some of my photos on the wall, but gallery sounds better and arty and swank . . . ah who am I trying to kid

Q. Who do you admire the most in the world of photography / art?

A: Art it has to be Mauritz Escher without a doubt, I fell in love with his vision, and his ability to twist perspective, I am also a big fan of Constable, and have actually had the most amazing experience with one of his paintings in the Royal Academy, I was working with Fascinating Aida and in the process of setting up the lights for the show was asked to be careful with the placement as I was very close to an original Constable, The Leaping Horse ! ! !  I was using steps to adjust the lights and was able to turn and actually touch the painting ! after checking I wasn’t being watched of course !

Photography; no one photographer through the years has really stuck in my mind, but there are some astonishing photogs on the net, not gonna start with the naming thing, I might lose friends LOL

Q. And what do you admire about their work?

A: Escher’s ability to twist perspective and his grasp of maths which I am crap at, and Constable’s obvious affinity with his subject matter, to be that attuned must be an amazing thing

Q. What do think are your weak points?

A: I have quite a few, one of which is sometimes impatience, and not learning to bloody well leave it till tomorrow when I have time to finish my work properly, although I do hold back on posting until I am as happy as any artist can be with a work

Q. At what stage, will you be giving up your day job?

A: A few years ago LOL, I retired from the Rock ‘N’ Roll world and have since rediscovered my love for all things nature and art, although it never went away it did spend a long time buried under the stresses of being on the road and spreadsheets, deadlines, and bloody musicians Tee Hee

Q. Do you do much editing?

A: Way too much sometimes, others not at all, the image will dictate to me what it needs to get it to something like what I saw in my head, it is very rare for me to set up a shoot and then edit to a prescribed idea, and actually do just that, I do work to an idea, but as I said the image will dictate the finished article

Q. Do you have any strange habits while you are working?

A Only one habit which isn’t strange when editing, but may be a bit disconcerting if shooting, I love to be naked, I hate clothing, REALLY hate it, and only wear it if I REALLY have to, oh dear, now all those people online will have this image of me sitting there naked, not pretty

Q. What ‘certain things’ set the mood for you to go shooting or editing?

A: crap, how to answer that, so many things will spark an idea for a shot or an image, a TV advert for peas once sparked an idea for a take on “Envy” which is gathering dust in my “Ideas” notebook, anger can sometimes drive me to work, and the result is usually the total opposite of anger, Sepia Moonlight was originally conceived in a fit of absolute rage, following the kicking the shit out of the filing cabinet I tried to find the point at which I was comfortable with her again, I think I managed it, I know it returned me emotionally to a much more stable place

Q. What is your all time favourite movie?

A: Easy Peasy, The Dark Crystal never been sucked so completely into a movie as with that one, and my favourite line ? the scene where the Gelflings are being pursued by the Skeksis, and they come to a cliff edge, the female, Kira, grabs Jen, the male Gelfling and jumps, as they fall she suddenly spreads her wings and they float gently to the ground, when they have landed Jen looks at her and says “You’ve got wings?” Kira’s reply, delivered in a really offhand way as though it’s blindingly obvious, “Of course, I’m a girl” ROFL

Q. Your favourite band?

A: Start at “A” and go to “Z”, pick any along the way, usually even a crap band will have at least one decent song in their repertoire, if you had asked favourite type of music, that is an easy answer, just the one type, good !

Q. Your favourite food?

A: Pork Chop and Chips (Fries) dunno why but nothing else quite hits the spot like this, I will eat almost anything else, apart from Ackee, saltfish or Liver, and I will always give anything a try, even it makes me feel yuck, gotta suck it and see, maybe I should slogan a Tee with that ! Eating out, I will usually go eastern, Thai or Indian, sometimes I go Nando’s nuts, (Piri Piri Chicken) but I usually pay for that with a sore belly the day after, worth it though

Q. Have you received formal training?

A: No, I have followed Tutorials, although not to the letter usually, as I get an idea halfway through and set off on my own, and that goes with photography too, apart from that one course which was more fun that it should have been.

Q. What areas in your art/photography are no go zones?

A: There are “no go” zones ? art is a provocative form so there shouldn’t be any, what may be off limits for some can be used to make them re-evaluate their thinking

Q. What eccentricities if any do you have?

A: Chocolate, nakedness and Absolut Vodka while working, but I guess my real eccentricity is that I can see humour in absolutely anything, I may be blindingly angry or deeply saddened by something and yet something will reach out and grab me by the funny bone, including being caught suppressing laughter at a funeral because I was waiting for the coffin to pop open and the departed to yell Gotcha !

Q. What is your favourite subject to work with?

A: That has to be the “Rose” followed by Nature, Landscapes

Q. Why do you do this???

A: Why are you asking me such difficult questions, there I was cruising through this interview thinking Pah what an easy gig this is and then BAMM ! why, because I have to find some way of exorcising the raging beast within, giving and opening up my heart to someone only for it to be trampled in the dirt, making me cynical and cold hearted, because of the paucity of true affection and real love that I have experienced, with art I can allow my inner eye to view the world, rather than the jaundiced and cynical outer one, were it not for my art and the ability it gives me to switch the world off, I would either be insane or in a prison cell, I am driven by the desire to understand my quest, I strive to find an artistic representation of the stability and calm that only true love can bring, and because I suffer terribly from withdrawals if I don’t work on something, and like, Right Now! OK

Q. What gives you the biggest buzz?

A: Sticking my fingers in a light socket, Oh sorry, actually the biggest “Art” buzz so far was seeing a piece of mine “Angel of the Sunset” published in Photoshop Creative magazine, Having “Night Lea” a shot taken at Lea Bridge on the cover of a novel (Heartless by Casey Kelleher) that and actually feeling the oils on “The leaping Horse”

Q. What is the most difficult part about what you do?

A: Making Photoshop do the things I can see in my head, I still haven’t found all the options, tricks and shortcuts, finding the peace and quiet that is sometimes necessary to accomplish something really finicky, learning that this is the point where the image is finished, and knowing that if I continue to mess with it, it will be a mess !

Right then, now that’s over, it’s your round !

Love ‘N’ Laughter Kriss

Picture Courtesy of Peter Hamon, lifelong friend and fellow Loon :-)

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