Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Kicking The Bucket

Further to my Saga of the Strange look my Doctor's Receptionist gave me, and the ongoing how do I get an appointment to sort out my bent finger farrago, I finally gave in and just rocked up at A & E (ER for our mates over the pond)

A very sweet and funny lady saw me and over the next fifteen minutes were spent with laughter and innuendo being the order of the day, she explained that what was going on is called "Trigger Finger"

She then took me to look at a large picture of the human body with bits enlarged, (NO not that bit) it was a bit like a plan for a model airplane with all the bits in exploded mode, she showed me the hand bit with finger tendons exposed

She explained that the tendons on top of the finger had slipped over the sides and were exerting the downward pull on my finger and curling it into my palm, the tendons are elastic and under tension to hold the finger straight so when not in the right place they contract like an elastic band, and uncurling the finger will result in excruciating agony unless done with care

After some vigorous rubbing and an explanation of how to coax the finger to uncurl without too much pain an appointment was made for me to see a specialist in the Fracture Clinic, and her parting words were to keep exercising the finger !

Come the day of the appointment and I turn up to await my allotted slot, I am surrounded by crutches and slings, my name gets called and off I go to see the specialist, we shake hands and exchange names as I am shown into his consulting room where I was then asked to display my distorted finger, he turned my hand over a couple of times, he gently stroked down the back of my hand and then down both sides of my finger on my palm, he then straightened my finger

I bounced off the ceiling as a pain akin to smashing my hand with a sledgehammer shot down my finger and worse, the Spanish Inquisition were joining in by shoving a red hot razor sharp needle down the length of my palm, the sweat ran into my eyes as the room swam in front if me, I would rather have slammed my dick in a door that suffer this insane pain in my hand

He apologised with the words   "Oh that doesn't usually happen"       REALLY  ! ! !

He then consulted with another specialist who joined him in the room to look at my hand, I flinched as he reached out to examine it and nodded sagely as I explained what the Trainee Torturer had inflicted upon me, he then said "Steroid Injection" at this point I am looking skyward and asking what on earth did I do that was so bad to deserve this ?

I was left to recover for a few minutes whilst Dr Vicious went in search of the implements of agony, (The Syringe and Steroids) when he returned he wiped the pad at the base of my finger on my palm !

I asked are you kidding me ? and was informed that as this was as near the location of the root of the problem he could get, Yes this was where the injection would happen, 'Kin'Ell

Oh look he does have some compassion he has can of numbing spray, no he doesn't it's just more antiseptic crap OH joy

At this point I was holding my own hand on the desk and awaiting the next installment of this awful day, little did I know

Understatingly he announced "this may hurt a little" as he stuck the needle into the site of all my agony, the original pain at the start of this encounter was nothing compared to this new punishment, again I was drenched in sweat as my head swum and dropped onto my arms on the desk

I realised he had stopped pushing and the agony subsided to just hellish levels, I looked up to see him staring down intently at my hand, I didn't dare look in case he had managed to achieve another "Oh that doesn't usually happen" moment, but no, he was just waiting for me to regain enough sanity to really appreciate the next wave of agony that he was about to unleash into my hand

I had noticed the waste Bucket just to the right of my foot and I dragged it between my legs as I felt sure I was about to reintroduce breakfast to the world, slowly he started to depress the plunger of the syringe and I swear I passed out as I felt my hand swell to twenty times it's original size, at least that was how it felt

I guess I didn't pass out as I was still sitting in the chair as he stopped, and then sweet bliss, he withdrew the needle from my hand and I sighed with relief and then sank back into the chair, the specialist was very sympathetic to my plight and asked if I wanted to rest for a while and would I like to lie down, I declined the last as I thought if I did I would prolly drop off and sleep all day after the torture he had put me through

Five minutes later having regained some semblance of normality I decided I would be OK to leave and go on my merry way and yes you guessed it, I had forgotten about the waste bucket and as I rose I kicked it across the room, grateful that I hadn't needed to utilise it, I left it lying where it fell

The specialist accosted me as made my way towards the exit and escape, he told me to make an appointment for six weeks from now to assess the situation, I can only surmise as to what new nightmares lie in wait for me !

Love 'N' Laughter Kriss


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