Friday, 24 March 2017

For by Four

For by Four

For Four months now
I've held your hand
Calmed you down
Wiped your tears

Listened to it all
Every fucking rant
Each and every pain
Tears falling like rain

Made you laugh out loud
When you didn't want to smile
Caressed your battered ego
Assuaged all your fears

Told you I love you
Hugged you tight
Held you close
Heard all your moans

All the ups and downs
Been there without fail
Day or night, ALL night
And now I see at last

The days you don't call
The days you don't message
The days with no contact
The days when I don't exist

I know you have a life
As do I with my kids
I know you have been hurt
As have I for so long now

But I'm there for you
I don't hide behind
My life doesn't intrude
You my love, I include

We were set to heal
Each other’s battered
Hearts and minds and souls
Bandages of Love and care

At least that what I thought
But when the big one happens
You feel down coz this isn't right
You have to get a job and fight
Your art has to step aside
Just for a short while
So you can make money
You go into a spin again

And there I am once more
Words of praise and love
Accepting what must now happen
Little time for us together

I know this and deal
But on the biggest day
Where are you now ?
Nowhere to be seen or heard

I know it's not easy
It’s not for me too
But I wanted to be there
For you on this day

Deafened by the silence
Blinded by the dark
Sleepless with worry
Dragged down by care

I don't want to disturb you
I know there's a lot to do
I wait patiently by the phone
Only to spend my night alone

Not even a message
Nor a quick call
"I don't wanna talk now"
That would settle my nerves

But it seems to me
That it's all one way
Until it suits you
And then it just hurts

Cuts deep into my soul
I've offered up my heart
Like the daft old cunt I am
Bare and open wide

Never felt this way before
So willing to bare my soul
Spread wide for you to enter
Unafraid of loving you

Stripped right back
To the very bones
Everything laid out
Just for you to take

And take you have
With so little in return
Making myself believe
Ends up in make believe

Allowed myself to care
Once more I give it all
And once more the pain
That's all I get in return

Not again, no more
I truly found love
This time deep inside
And now tossed aside

This time I thought
It was for real, so true
Never had I felt this way
The depth of my love

So scared every moment
So blissfully happy every day
So afraid of it going wrong
So wary of your pain

And yet here it is again
A hole in my heart so big
All of my love drains out
Leaving me empty inside

So I retreat once more
No more pain for me
Safe back here again
Behind the wall of loneliness

Here I'll stay now
Alone in the dark
In here it doesn't hurt
In here I can heal

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