Version Who gives a S*** Parental Advisory Content :-)

Fucking Internet Security Suites I hate them

Preinstalled and pops up every so often out of the blue,
Click the "Fuck Off and leave me alone" Button and away it goes again for an undetermined period of time just hiding beneath the desktop waiting to pop up when you least expect it

it gives you two options

"Would you like to install Fucknut V13.017"

yes, or no,

two little innocuous buttons . . . .

but the sneaky software makes them swap sides of the pop up window intermittently, just to catch you out

and they did !

wrong button clicked and the message pops up

thanks for installing "Kiss Goodbye to any of your Drives V2.15"

"Do not interrupt the installation process if you wish to keep your files intact"

so you have to let the installation process finish . . . and then comes the terrifying bit

"Your computer needs to restart to finish the installation"

and then the horror starts

all seems OK as your comp starts up and asks for your password, the normal splashscreens etc all pop up and go away as your services start

and then . . . . "Now you're fucked V2,000.00013" pops up and tells you that it is finishing your installation please do not interrupt the process unless you want all of your disks to be wiped clean"

You wait for ten minutes watching the green bar creep across the screen with trepidation, and then "Cheerful V2.0" informs that all is over and done and you can now set about using your computer safe in the knowledge that all those nasty net bugs and viruses can't get you or your comp

of course they can't coz Guess what, "you're a Net Muppett V48.97" now informs you that it has turned off all your networks so no nasties can get through your (Now not needed) firewall and prevent you from using your computer as you like ! ! !

up pops the "Would you like to check for updates" window, you Click on NO !
it tells you tough shit, you have no choice as it needs to update it's definitions
and this is the really clever bit

even it can't connect to the net to update itself coz it's turned everything off !

but it has a plan !

click here for help

so you do, and it opens a new pop up with the following options

"Would you like to get help from a friend"

or the real cracker I love

"Visit our website"

so System Restore is your new friend, Assuming you have it turned on and "Gonna make sure you can't mess with my domination of your Computer V560.82" hasn't deleted the restore points during it's all encompassing installation routine !

you sit there nervously watching the percentage counter work it's arcane digital magic for you

and then it's over and you really can return to what you were doing previously, safe in the knowledge that you can actually use your comp and get online with all those nasty net bugs and viruses lying in wait for you

but none as crippling as "You Newbie V0.00"




Love 'N' Laughter

Kriss X X X